I'm a small (read: microscopic) businesswoman. Currently, I'm the head honcho, webmistress, chief bottlewasher, publicist, marketing director, book writer and mailer; I do it all.
In short, my business suffers because I can't be everywhere at once. How I'd love to delegate some of the work! I want to hire you!!
And I've read a thing or two about how the jobless rate could stand to be a bit better, so maybe it would be a good thing for some businesses to, you know, pick up a worker or two, (or 300,000.) I think I've even heard a few politicians say they'd like to see this happen, too. Super, so we're all on board here, right?
Could the government stop trying to making it so hard to hire people, please?!?
First off, as the one who makes the investment and takes on all of the risk, I am not guaranteed a minimum wage. But anyone I hire has to be paid what the government, who doesn't know my business or what I'm going to ask of my employees, thinks is a fair hourly rate. So, if I want to hire someone, I have to calculate if the labor will make me that much money. If I don't think it will, then I won't hire. What if you're willing to work for less? Too bad. The government thinks it's better that you make nothing.
But compensation doesn't end with the hourly wage. If you work more than a certain number of hours for me each quarter, then I have to contribute to your Social Security fund, and so do you. There's also unemployment insurance, workman's compensation and healthcare costs. Some places even throw in a payroll tax, for good measure. All of those keep rising, but I can't plan for those expenses because no one knows by how much they'll rise in the coming years.
And don't get me started on the paperwork! The government doesn't think you're very responsible, so I have to figure out what taxes you owe and send them in like clockwork every ninety days. I have to document a myriad other things about my business and what you're doing there. Before I can hire you to actually do income-producing work, I'll have to hire an accountant and a human resources expert to deal with all this new compliance that comes from having employees.
And gee, I hope I can keep you happy. Because if you're not, you can sue me for free, which might pay off handsomely for you, but in most cases, I'll never be able to recover the court costs if you lose. So, you really never lose. I have friends with a small business who caught one of their employees stealing from them. Not only is this miscreant not in jail, but they had to pay her off to get her not to take legal action. Of course, you don't even have to be hired by me for you to sue me. In some cases, we don't need to have even met.
I pray that you're a responsible type, because the beauty of being employed by someone else means that you don't have to be. If, in the course of your job, you run someone over, or call one of my customers bad names, I'm the one who holds the bag. I'll be paying much more in liability insurance once I hire you.
The added bonus for me is that I live in California, where the required compensation, reporting compliance costs, taxes, regulations, litigious culture, energy costs, rents, environmental obeisance, etc. are all much higher than most of the rest of the nation.
So, my business will remain a teeny little enterprise sans employees. And you'll stay on your friend's couch, at least until he kicks you out.
Sorry about that.
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Elise Cooke will hire people just as soon as she can convince her readers to pay $200 for each of her books, with a ten book minimum purchase. Her website is SimpletonSolutions.com.
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