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Why I hate “How it Should Have Ended” (and you should too)

HISHD in all it's "glory"
HISHD in all it's "glory"
Copyright Starz

I’m not even going to build up to an opinion this time. Quite bluntly, I feel that “How it Should Have Ended” is one of the stupidest, mind numbingly dumb, colossal waste of two to five minutes worth of “entertainment” that is currently on the internet. This is a show so incompetent in its ability to be funny or clever that watching videos of nothing but a guy smoking a pipe would be a better use of your time. That fact that “How it Should Have Ended” is successful is mind blowing. Granted, terrible things sometimes have a tendency to last a lot longer than they should (“Full House,” Barney, Hannah Montana, etc…), but when I watch this show I get personally insulted and it’s amazing no one else feels the same way.

What inspired me to finally write something is that they recently released an episode of “How ‘Frozen’ Should Have Ended.” Now I just want to make it clear that you have a right to not like “Frozen,” and after how much praise it received it was probably inevitable that there be backlash (though the claims that “Tangled” is a much better movie is so laughably wrong that I could write a whole separate article on that claim), but for me this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now before I bust this party (and man I’m going to bust it), it might be worth your while to watch the cartoon here first.

Have you finished? Good, now you’ll be able to follow this better.

As you saw the short opens with the beginning of the movie where the troll king is telling Elsa and her parents about the potential dangers of Elsa’s ice powers. He also mentions that the power could be beautiful under different circumstances. The parents then babble on about how what the king is saying is that they should lock up, repress, and basically mistreat their daughter. The troll king tells them that everything they are saying is wrong and that they are bad parents. Then they enroll her at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. First of all, the payoff isn’t funny. It’s not even cute. Secondly, they are pretty much pissing on one of the major themes of “Frozen” that makes it such a complicated movie. Yes, the parents WERE bad! They WERE abusive in subtle ways! And yes, that DID affect Elsa’s view on the world because she felt she was a bad kid just because she had a power she never even wanted!

This is what the movie is about!!!

To take that away is not only taking away one of the major conflicts, but it’s a grossly stupid video that shows these people don’t have any concept for what makes for good storytelling. Without this start, there would be no movie. This also isn’t the only time they’ve done this. The joke for “World War Z” is that Brad Pitt seems to be the only person the zombies can’t get to (gee, how do they watch any action movies)? The joke with every Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movie is that they could have just ridden the eagles to their destination and there was no reason for all that walking. They bring this up because it’s not like, you know, it's not like anyone’s ever made this complaint before. The joke for “The Dark Knight Rises” is that Gotham’s people didn’t cross examine any of Bane’s claims (because that’s really something you’re thinking about when a terrorist has guns pointed at you and threatening to blow up the city at the same time).

The big joke for “Star Trek: Into Darkness” is that the characters don’t respond to the importance of Khan being Khan. Of course they’re not going to react you nimrods: IT’S A REBOOT! In fact, in the actual movie the characters don’t respond anyway, so what’s the joke? The only short they did that got a few laughs was the Harry Potter short, where (spoiler) Snape uses that time traveling necklace, turns it over 262,000 times, and kills a young Tom Riddle before he becomes you-know-who. Of course, that’s ignoring the fact that time travel is generally a bad idea, and there was technically no way of knowing how many times to turn the device. Wait; did I just poke a hole in the cartoon that’s poking holes in movies? Never mind.

Looking at these cartoons yields no laughs unless you are five years old. They don’t make any sense. Plus, “How it Should Have Ended” is essentially a bunch of frat boys disliking very good movies for arbitrary reasons that don’t matter. What’s worse, when they actually do poke holes in a bad movie, they never bring anything new or clever to the table (wow, that “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” video sure made a bold statement by saying the movie would be a lot better without Jar Jar Binks). And you know what? If people were just watching the videos and laughing at how dumb they are (which they are) that would be one thing. But many people actually say things like “you know, that is a big plot hole,” or “now I look at that movie differently,” to some people actually saying “yeah, that would have been a better ending.”

One hundred years of film criticism has devolved to the point where these immature college kids’ videos actually come off as real story development critiques? On the positive side “How it Should Have Ended” is one of the few family friendly shows on YouTube (and Starz…which I wish I was joking about). Of course movies aren’t perfect and there are generally plot holes that you notice in almost every film. Their “Iron Man 3” video is noteworthy because it exploits a really big problem with the story in what was otherwise a pretty good movie. Their solutions to fixing problems in movies though are brain dead. They aren’t clever. They grossly simplify complicated movies. When they poke fun at a good movie they just come off as juvenile. When they pick on a bad movie they aren’t nearly as funny as other internet shows. They are never as funny as they think they are. They actually make people look stupid for liking them. These reasons (and many others) are why I hate “How it Should Have Ended” (and you should too).

P.S. One thing about the show that IS consistently entertaining are clips of Superman and Batman talking in a café, where Batman manages to say “I’m Batman” every single time. I’d search out a compilation of those clips and skip the show altogether.

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