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Why Failing at Love Is Really a Blessing

Another break up, another broken heart. It can feel like the worst pain you've ever felt. But, really, it can be a blessing in disguise. How you might ask?

1. See failure as your best friend. When your boyfriend (#5 in the past three months) breaks up with you yet again, when you quit smoking only to start up again the next day, when you stay sober for three weeks and then get drunk one night, when you lose 10 pounds then gain three back all in one day, are all scenarios where you wanted to find success, but you failed. Your failure is simply a small setback on your road to success. Instead of seeing failure as the end of the world, and going right back to your old ways, start to see failure as your most trusted friend. As something that can point you in the direction of success by exposing your weaknesses and shining the light on areas within you that need work. Once you start to see failure in this NEW way, you'll be free of a lot of guilt, which does nothing positive for you, and you won't feel the need to resort to your old ways because,"Well, it didn't work anyway!" You'll know what you need to improve, and you can take the necessary actions to continue onwards.

2. After a setback, see where you need improvement and make the necessary changes. Evaluate the results of your actions. Look at what you can do better and what you did well. Refine your actions based on your evaluation. Take your best shot at making it better. And most importantly, keep doing it. Keep taking action, evaluating results, and refining. Keep doing it!! Don't give up. You'll learn whatever you need to learn and you WILL find success.

3. Take stock of your resources. Take stock of your personal qualities that might help you. Look at your skills and talents. Look overall at what strengths you have and what you lack. There are shortcuts. One shortcut is taking action based on what other successful did. This includes reading books by other successful people, taking courses, seminars, classes and modelling other successful people's behavior. As you gain experience you can tweak your course of action based on what works best for you.

4. Focus on what you're doing right. Sounds cliche. right? But it's actually the most important step of all. On the road to success there will always be failure, and when you do have a setback it's so easy to throw out the baby with the bathwater. To adopt a defeatist mentality, "Forget it, it's not working anyway!" When in fact you should adopt the exact opposite attitude. Instead of focusing and magnifying on that small setback. you should keep your focus on what you are doing RIGHT! After your setback, evaluate what you can do better next time but always, always keep the focus on what you are doing RIGHT! No matter how small your successes are, you must celebrate each of them and keep your focus on your SUCCESS. Most of us beat ourselves down when we have a setback and fail to see all the progress we've made. We must change this and that is done by ...

5. Be kinder and more compassionate to yourself. Before bed write a list of a few things you've done right in relation to your goal, things you've excelled in, things you feel proud of. They can be very small, subtle successes or big, large successes. After writing down your successes for a few weeks, you'll soon realize that your focus is now on what you are doing right and you continue succeeding! When you do have a setback, learn from it. Ask yourself, "Why did this happen?" "How can I change this program so it works for me?" "What can I do so I don't have another setback like this?" Then keep going until you reach success. Even if you have hundreds of setbacks along the way (and you might. You might even have more!) you must keep learning from your setbacks, fine tuning what you're doing and keep going until you REACH SUCCESS. If you don't you'll be one of the masses--the many people who continue to suffer because they didn't overcome their fear of failure and they stopped taking action to improve their situation. They gave up! Never, ever give up on yourself. It's not easy, but it's so worth it. Brush off your mistakes, be kind and compassionate to yourself, focus on what you're doing right, improve and keep GOING!

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