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There are many Black women who are not dating, married, or in meaningful relationships with Black men. In fact, many of them are simply single by choice or default. So then why do they continue to wait for the right Black man instead of being open to men from other races or ethnicity?
This continues to be a topic for discussion. Many Black writers regardless of race are constantly explaining the attraction and loyalty that Black women have for Black men, and how Black men are more than willing to date outside of their race or neighborhood. The question is why.
I believe the answer is more complex than the responses usually given because it is connected to how American society views race and more importantly how that same society views Black women. This is the beginning of a bigger and more important discussion that surpasses stereotypes and raging bitterness (Check this article out).
An article in Madame Noir includes 4 reasons that Black women do not date outside of their race. They include body image (other races like a non-voluptuous body type), Hair (do they understand the intricacies that go into Black hair care), and Just not attracted to other races. The article ended with the idea that Black women should not allow their insecurities from keeping their options open. But, when you narrow the options to Black and White, most White men prefer to date within their race too. It is not as simple as becoming more secure and venturing across the pond. It is usually more appealing if someone is on the other side to meet you.
Then there are statistics. I believe that individuals seek and date someone they feel equal too. One who is educationally, socially, emotionally, and financially on even ground with themselves. Most couples meet each other during college, at work, or among their social peers.
- 4% of full-time undergraduate students at public colleges and universities are Black males (Men of Color Report)
- 67.5% of Black women earn undergraduate degrees (A Report from the National Black Male College Achievement Study)
- 31.5% of Black males earn degrees
- The highest graduation rate among HBCUs is Spellman at 79% (all female institution)
- Howard University is second with a 64% graduation rate (The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education)
- 55% of Whites, 48% of Hispanics, and 31% of Blacks were married in 2010
- 64% with college degrees, 48% with some college, and 47% with a HS diploma were married in 2010 (Pew Research)
- Blacks make up 60% of the prison population. 1 in every 15 prisoners are Black males and both Black males and females usually receive longer sentences than Whites
Consider all the data and remember that constant stereotypes and images of the angry Black woman also continue to hover regardless of our educational and professional successes. We are lying to ourselves if we think it simply comes down to sharing the same culture or seeking new sexual experiences. That is not fair nor is it entirely accurate. It is so pervasive that even films do not dare to deal with it with the exception of Something New (a superficial attempt).
The statistics paint the following scenario on a college campus for Black couples. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl like each other and begin to date. Girl continues to graduate while boy remains near campus but does not. Boy and girl break up, or move in together and grow apart. Or boy meets girl in high school and fall in love. They share their dream to be together and boy gets arrested. End of story.
My message for Black women is: We are intelligent and passionate enough to make a decision based on real information and by being open minded. If we are interested in dating outside of our race, then we should. If we choose to wait for the Black man that is perfect for us, then we should. But, do not allow negative images, poor storytelling, and those who continue to tell us how unattractive we are to beguile you into a false belief system about interracial dating or who you want to date. Make up your own mind. And let’s continue to have this discussion in real talk.