Throughout my many years as a therapist, I have had the opportunity to think about some of life’s biggest questions with some of the world’s smallest people. How lucky I have been to be part of the process of helping kids figure things out for themselves. Here’s an inside look at one such conversation:
Kid: “Why are some people so mean?”
Me: “Wow what a great question! What do you think?”
Kid: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Let’s think about that for awhile.”
Kid: “I dunno.”
Me: “Well, that question reminds me of another question.”
Kid: “What?”
Me: “Why are some people so nice?”
Kid: “Cuz that’s just who they are and how they are.”
Me: “I bet that’s probably part of it.”
Kid: “Maybe they’re so nice because that’s how they choose to be.”
Me: “WOW! You mean we can choose to be nice, even if we don’t want to be?”
Kid: “Yeah, we can. Nice is a choice. So is mean.”
Me: “I’d say you’re pretty good at answering those big questions you come up with.
Kid: “Some things we just have to sit and think about for awhile.”
While this child and I continued on about this discussion for awhile, and I assessed whether or not he was being bullied (he was not)…it got me to thinking a little more about this on my own.
Alone in my office at the end of that meeting, I was left with my own thoughts on the subject:
“Being mean is less of a reflection of where someone has been in their life as much as it a reflection of where they want to go in their life.”
This is true from the schoolroom to the boardroom.
What do you think?
Comments
I love this dialog - thanks!
Melissa
Thanks, Melissa! Please come back and add your own reflections anytime!
I work for a woman boss who is mean and talks about everyone after they leave her office. Its like she wants to put everyone in their place. She says some nasty things about them and sometimes to their face. Noone in the office likes her but like she said "I'm not here to win a popularity contest. I was out for surgery and when I returned she had hired her daughter and her daughter took all my work assignments. I went to HR and turned her in for nepotism as I was being shoved out the door. HR told her what I had accused her of and now when I run into her ALONE like in the bathroom, she stares me down trying to intimidate me. She makes sure noone else is around. I almost laugh because its that ridiculous. She is mad because she got caught but did not get in trouble. Instead they let her daughter go. But, she is silently making my life hell. This story is not over but she is a very mean woman 2 years older than me and has never liked me from the word go. I am considered pretty and she is not. She is 64 and I am 61 and the company we work for is a very large government contracting company. There are rules and policies and I looked them over very carefully before I went to HR.Things are only worse for me now but why is she so mean to everyone else?
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