Why Am I Jealous?
Florence Escaravage is the creator of Love Intelligence. She is the no 1 love coach in France and Europe and has identified the 5 key areas to find love.
We have this idea that jealousy is related to love. Just recently actress Scarlett Johansson said, “I’d rather be with someone who’s a little jealous than someone who’s never jealous. There’s something a little dead fish about them. A little depressing. It may not make sense, but you need to feel a little."
This romantic way of thinking about towards jealousy, that it proves the intensity of our feelings for someone, is common. But though we see this belief over and over again in magazines and movies, it just doesn’t correspond with reality. The truth is that jealousy, rather than being any mark of true feelings for your partner, reveals a lack of confidence in yourself and in your partner.
A Good Definition of Jealousy
Love Intelligence has identified 5 main kinds of jealousy.
The Jealousy of an Overactive Imagination
It is safe to say that this is the most common kind. We see it when a person has an idea they cannot shake that their other half is seeing someone else. Most of the time this third party does actually exist – but they are sometimes imaginary! The jealous partner tortures themselves imagining all kind of different situations and opportunities that their partner has to cheat on them.
The Jealousy of Unreciprocated Love
This seems to be the most romanticized of all the different kinds of jealousy. The jealous party feels that the person who is made for them is with somebody else. They suffer out of a sense of injustice and envy the person who has succeeded in winning their love.
The Jealousy of Mismatched Couples
This occurs in couples where both parties are very different from each other on a sensitive or significant subject. The couples who suffer the most from this kind of jealousy: couples with gaps in age, intellect or beauty, or who just don’t have many interests in common. This kind of jealousy gives itself away in the fear that one half of the couple will leave the relationship for someone with whom they have more in common. This outside party is imagined as cooler, sexier, more likeable or intellectual etc.
This particular sort of jealousy comes about when a relationship dissolves because one party leaves with someone else. For the abandoned partner, a feeling of rejection mixes with possessiveness, because to be loved is always to be affected, sometimes long after separating. The third party is considered to have “stolen” their partner receives a lot of negative emotion. This is without a doubt the most harmful kind of jealousy, which you must move past as quickly as possible in order to heal yourself.
Provoked jealousy stems from the behavior of certain rather seductive partners. The loved one wants to feel that they are still seductive. They might be ambiguous about their intentions or the fact that they are in a relationship, so that they can flirt away to their heart’s content! By playing with their charm and being vague about their relationship status, they can lose themselves in a game of seduction. Even if they don’t take it as far as betrayal, their behavior makes their partner anxious about it potentially happening down the line, making them worried and envious.
Learn from Jealousy
Basically, the particular sort of jealousy you are experiencing depends on the way you experience your relationship. To whatever degree, jealousy is an emotion that reveals our true personality and our way of conducting ourselves. In this way, jealousy can be constructive in that we see the reasons making us jealous: it is a sign that allows us to work on ourselves, carry out some introspection, become aware of the difficulty that is stopping us from developing calm, mutually supportive bonds with the other and ourselves, and to face them.
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Article contributed by: Florence Escaravage, creator of Love Intelligence