Whose values should a gynecologist discuss with your child, yours or theirs?

One of the first posts at this blog was The Power of Assumption which dealt with the effect that the assumption a teacher had regarding a child's capabilities had on the actual achievement of the child. I said:

We all make assumptions about other people. To assume what a person is like based upon limited bits of information may often lead to an incorrect assessment. This training exercise Assumptions - a training exercise demonstrates that some assumptions are at best premature or often incorrect. Nisbett and Wilson conducted an experiment to demonstrate the halo effect

The halo effect is generally defined as the influence of a global evaluation on evaluations of individual attributes of a person, but this definition is imprecise with respect to the strength and character of the influence. At one extreme, the halo effect might be due simply to an extrapolation from a general impression to unknown attributes. Global evaluations might color presumptions about specific traits or influence interpretation of the meaning or affective value of ambiguous trait information. Thus, if we like a person, we often assume that those attributes of the person about which we know little are also favorable. (Politicians often seem to capitalize on this tendency by appearing warm and friendly but saying little about the issues.)

Many of us assume that most folks should be like us and have a similar outlook on life and value system. We all know what the right thing to do in a situation, right? How do educators who may have not encountered those of a different social class, religion, or value system deal with children who do not share their attributes? Because we all make assumptions, it is one type of survival skill, the question for educators is how to minimize the effect of negative assumptions on children.

Many assume that any individual questioning the ultimate effect of this sex soaked culture on people, particularly children is a Bible thumping idiot who seeks to put all women in chastity belts and throw away the key. Not so fast. Does anyone really want the values of the Sex and the City twits as primary values for YOUR child? Perhaps, if one is Donald Trump. There are costs to the vagabonds of the Sex and the City lifestyle which the mainstream media doesn't want to portray. After all, getting treated for chlamydia is just not sexy. Running out of Valium and/or Oxycontin or having no weed or anything of 200 proof to dull the pain of yet another failed one night assignation which didn't turn out to be the love of one's life just doesn't make good copy or great visuals. Does it? That is why the media doesn't portray the late night liquor run or call to a friend to get through the night of one more damaged participant in the “sexual revolution.”

Ignorance has never helped any cause and children need to receive accurate and age appropriate information about sex. They also need to receive a good dose of values and information about how to establish boundaries to protect their sense of self. Parents cannot abrogate this responsibility to either the culture or a physician who ASSUMES that all children will have sex at whatever age. Parents need to make sure that their children have accurate reproductive information, but they need to make sure that children understand THEIR values and more important, why the family has THOSE VALUES.

Shari Roan of the Los Angeles Times has an article which has been reprinted in the Seattle Times. In Two Annual Checkups for Teen Girls? Roan reports:

The idea is proposed in the July issue of the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology by an American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists committee.

The group recommends a girl have her first visit with an ob-gyn between the ages of 13 and 15. The visit should be primarily educational and a chance to establish a relationship with the doctor, according to the paper. Topics of discussion could include puberty, menstruation, healthy eating habits, sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy prevention, sexual orientation and gender identity. A pelvic exam would be performed only if warranted. The visit should include a discussion involving the teenager, a parent and the doctor about patient confidentiality....

"Given the high pregnancy and STD rates among adolescent girls in the U.S. compared with other developed countries, we continue to encourage parents to bring their daughters to an ob-gyn for their first visit earlier rather than later."

The Houston Chronicle has an excellent article about why girls need to visit a gynecologist and the tension between abstinence education and reproductive education. One could theorize that much of the tension is focused on the concept of values.

In the article, The Facts of Life Cindy George of the Houston Chronicle reports:

“I want to meet these young women before they really, really, really need me,” said Dr. Tammy Vu, a obstetrician/gynecologist at West Houston Medical Center. “I always joke with them and say: ‘Hey, we just met. You don’t have to take your clothes off.’ We can do a lot of education just by talking.”

Providing medically accurate information can enlighten girls receiving limited information at school, hearing possibly outdated advice from their parents and trading whispers with friends often riddled with misinformation. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that teens visit a gynecologist for the first time at age 13, 14 or 15 for preventive health appointments that don’t usually involve an internal pelvic exam.

Vanessa and more pre-teens have started showing up because Gardasil, the human papilloma virus vaccine approved in 2006, is recommended for girls 11 and 12.

After initial questions about Vanessa’s general health, Sinacori escorted Elvia Reyes to the waiting room at her Memorial Hermann Memorial City Medical Tower office. Often, girls will ask more frank questions without their parents listening. Conversation topics range from eating disorders and depression to troubles with heavy, painful periods and acne.

Children need both medically accurate information and an explanation of their family's values and more importantly why their family has their values. Does this mean that the children will always accept or follow those values at this particular point in their lives? Not necessarily, but families need to make the case. The culture is certainly out there trying to trap children.

See:

Each child is different, this is really about doing what is best for each child, not making sure the child is in tune with the current culture. Many children need time to mature and to develop a secure sense of self. You have the right to impart your values to your children. You should not relinquish that right.