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Who should pay on a date?

     This seems to be a never ending question, who should pay on a date? Also, who should pay when it is not really a date, but a first meeting? If your answer is the man should pay, does he have to pay all the time? Is there a limit to the amount of times he needs to empty his wallet for a possibly uninterested date?

     A Parkland friend of mine, who is a male, finds it absolutely disturbing that men are expected to pay all the time. He feels that women abuse this gratuitous gesture, by accepting without any interest in the generous spender. He suggested that women may even be friendly to some men for the sole reason of having their bill paid. Ouch. A younger male friend from Ft. Lauderdale, said he feels that a woman should always offer to help pay on a first date, even though he would never accept it. Just the act of offering, makes him feel like the woman is a team player and potential partner.

     In my own opinion, I think the man should pay, at least the ones that I am interested in. This is not because I think the man should pay for everything forever, I would be willing to share all that I have with the right person. It has something to do with needing to know up front if this is the type of man that is willing to step up and take care of things, maybe take care of me if I ever needed it. It’s something fundamental. Maybe in the same way that my Ft. Lauderdale friend needs to know that his date is the type of woman that is willing to pick up the slack if he needs it.

     Nobody ever wants to be a fool, so if you are not interested in your date you should definitely shell out your own portion of the bill. Although, sometimes the answers aren’t as simple as they seem. In fairness, maybe you need to look beyond the dollars, to the person that you’re talking to and be as honest as you can with your feelings and theirs. Then when the bill comes, you will know in your gut whether you should be testing for your fundamental needs or just sharing the bill.

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Comments

  • Jerseygirl 4 years ago

    Good topic and worthy of a blog. If for no other reason, than to see persepctives. Here's my thought. If you ask for the date and plan the date, you pay. I think the girl should do the asking and planning at least 30% of the time but really 50%. This way both parties know they're being appreciated and expectations are for both parties to give and receive. If finances are significantly different, then make the date simpler: day at the beach, pitcher of margaritas, some sandwiches, etc. It's not about the money; it's about sharing and giving. The planner should be the payer...otherwise, it could be a hardship even for the 50%. My 2c and thanks for the perspective. Great article once again

  • Sue K. 4 years ago

    I agree with Jerseygirl. If you plan it, you pay. Whoever does the asking should pick up the tab.

  • Jill 4 years ago

    Agree- who ever does the asking, should pay for dinner.

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