Who needs...children

What does it feel like to live in a home with only one of your parents; especially when the other parent is not dead? What does it feel like to have to live by a schedule made by two people who have determined that their time is also your time? These are just two of the many unasked questions of our children. It is simply amazing how parents always speak to the needs of the child without even consulting the child about what their needs are. We seem to believe that we are in tune with what our child needs; yet is that not a part of why the relationship between you and the other parent failed while you were together as a couple? We have our own evidence that suggests when others are unclear of, or unable to meet, our needs, the relationship deteriorates; ultimately ending. If our needs are not clearly stated during the dating stage of this relationship, then who do we have to blame? If we recognize such before going to the next level of the relationship, then an early exit is imminent. There needs to be some dialogue had with the partner to determine whether your needs were clearly stated, and also you need to make a determination as to whether that person is capable. What tends to happen is, we turn a blind eye to some things, hoping that it may go away over time, or that we can love it away. Wrong! The end result is, now we have a child. Problem here, the child is rarely afforded the process that we, ourselves, have to endure when parents separate. They are merely tossed into the ring with both of you and the fight begins over top of them. When you finally look up, you see that the pattern of lingering unresolve and ongoing conflict with others, has been transferred to the child. Neither parent is exempt from the pattern of behavior, as a matter of fact, in most cases, the parents are the targeted victims, because they are responsible for this conditioning. Hence, which is why the first thing the child says to the parent when the parent attempts to confront the behavior is "Well, you said that I am just like my father.", or "I am just like you." We must learn to take better care of our children's needs when we make conscious decisions to bring them into our insanity. At a young (immature minded) age I had children and I have made no qualms with either of the mothers of my children. Whatever explanation given to the child about the separation should be solely based on whatever role the asked parent had in the separation. A parent should not have to defend themselves from the child and the other parent. Remember how influential what you say as a parent is to your child. Allow the child to come to a conclusion about the other parent without your input. If you have already begun the habit of disregarding the child's input about this separation, and decisions being made about when the child visits and spends time with the other parent, now is the time to stop. Take ownership for your conduct, and change the course of the relationships with all involved. Our children are hurting because of our actions.