Some of us need a man to ground us, to form around, to define ourselves by, to give us self esteem, purpose, and social acceptance. If you have always had overlapping relationships—a pair and a spare—so never to be without a guy, maybe it’s time to look at yourself.
Separate and free is a healthy thing
Learning to sustain yourself without a relationship demonstrates character and helps you learn internal self support which is important for a healthy person. When not in a relationship you can spend more time with family and friends, seek out activities that are important to you, and find out how to nurture and care for yourself. Tiffany, a student from Granite Bay, was devastated when her boyfriend Dirk decided to call it quits. Normally she would have scrambled to find some fill-ins—an ex she was still friends with, or someone her girlfriends fixed her up with. She felt lost without a boyfriend, even one who wasn’t good relationship material.
You are more than a guy pleaser
When you are in a relationship there is the strong tendency to shape yourself to fit your current beau’s needs and expectations. Making him happy and being what he wants starts to define you. Elise, a computer programmer from Folsom, at first felt that Quinn was really into her. He had strong preferences about how she dressed and complained about some of her friends. Soon she felt that she didn’t know herself, that she was all about pleasing Quinn, that she had lost the ability to decide things on her own and to stand up for herself.
Develop your own self support
Tiffany decided to take some time off from a relationship and work on her self esteem, learn to please herself and do things that she was interested in like a school hiking group and an art class. Her girlfriends provided some support and she found that without always planning her time around a guy she felt stronger and better about herself. She also realized how much she had looked to Dirk for a lot of decision making.
Emotional dependence can be a trap
If you are always dependent on others, especially a boyfriend, to love, nurture, and support you, and you feel empty and lost without that, you may need to grow up and mature your sense of self. Read the author’s book about some ways to do this.
Comments