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White House goes solar, Republicans go 'postal'

President Obama enjoying both sun and wind
President Obama enjoying both sun and wind
Ethan Miller/Getty Images

President Obama’s “commitment to lead by example to increase the use of clean energy in the U.S.” met with stiff resistance from republicans who railed against the sun and the wind.

“Wind has been shown to be a destructive force of nature” said John Boehner, “It can easily kill if we don’t contain it. Not only that, how clean can the wind be when it raises dust and dirt all over the place whenever it blows?

“When a Kardashian wins an Oscar, then I’ll believe climate change” said Mitch McConnell. Until then Americans should just turn the air conditioner up a little more in summer and the heat up a little more in winter.

If Obama wanted to do something for energy independence, he’d end the war on coal. That’s a war we don’t want. The rest are OK.”

Those solar panels on the White House roof can fly off and injure a Congressperson on their way to a ‘Benghazi Probe’ hearing. Then how will we get to slam Hillary Clinton’s chances in 2016? Are we making this stuff up? I don’t think so."

“The sun can wipe us out as a species” said a spokesperson for ‘Citizens Rallying against Sun Harm’ (CRASH) “And then where would we go? First you install solar panels on the White House, next thing you know we’re not invading some country and enriching our own arms merchants.”

Exxon-Mobil released a study which shows how many jobs we’ll lose if we allow the sun to power our vital electric grid. “What happens when the clouds cover the sun? What happens at night when the sun goes down? These are questions we’ll need to address with a bi-partisan committee of 11 Republicans and a Democrat thrown in for fun” smirked Rand Paul as he stepped into his Tesla model S which was converted to high octane gas in a high school shop project sponsored by the Koch brothers.