A recent comment on my article about finding a gaming mate brought up a woefully underserved segment of the dating population: the tabletop role-player.
.jpg) Courtesy GeeksDreamGirl.com |
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, "role-playing" has been co-opted by the video game industry to represent character development elements such as increasing power levels, physical and statistical customization, and an equipment system. This is only role-playing on a surface level. Deeper role-playing, that is, taking on a role, involves more personal investment than can be provided by a computer role-playing game (CRPG), which is by nature a solitary experience. More depth is provided by a massive multi-player online role-playing game (MMORPG) because it allows interaction with other players, and thus helps further define a role through social interaction. But tabletop role-players take this one step further, sitting down at a table and interacting with each other. It is exceeded in its intimacy only by live action role-playing (LARP) games, wherein the player physically embodies the character and is usually standing up and moving around.
Generally speaking, the more investment required for a game, the less popular it is. CRPGs and MMORPGs are far more commonplace because they have a much wider audience, a larger marketing budget, and a high degree of accessibility. Tabletop role-playing games require other people to play, and that makes finding a game that much harder.
With its root in traditionally male-dominated tabletop miniature wargaming, female RPGers are somewhat rare. Of the women and girls who do play role-playing games, they are often demonized as scheming backstabbers who join male-dominated groups for attention. Mercurial's essay, The Top 10 Myths About Girl Gamers, neatly dissects this stereotype.
The gaming landscape, and thus the gamer dating landscape, seems to be changing for the better. Many women were introduced to the fantasy genre via Lord of the Rings, which caused a surge in the female population's attendance at gaming conventions. Anime has also been a strong and steady influence on introducing girls to the genre.
Why would a woman who isn't a gamer date a gamer? The Craig's List article, "Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It," explains the appeal. Speaking as someone who has been married ten years to a gorgeous girl gamer, I can confidently state that it is absolutely possible to find a female tabletop role-player. There are, unfortunately, few tools to specifically help connect tabletop role-players.
The reason may be that gaming, by its nature, is social. Sites like meetup.com provide a good foundation for gamers to meet. In Southern Connecticut, The D&D Meetup group has nearly 90 participants.
Ultimately, tabletop role-players looking for love are probably better served through more generic dating sites or by simply finding people that share similar interests in the fantasy and science fiction genre. If you know of any dating sites specifically dedicated to tabletop roleplayers, please let me know!
Comments
Thanks for writing about us!! StupidRanger and I are working hard on the book and will be talking about it at our panel discussion at GenCon. :)
Wish I could go to Gen Con (used to go every year). Maybe next year I can justify it as a work expense. I look forward to the book!
Hello Pot. Meet Kettle.
"Mercurial's essay...neatly dissects this stereotype"? Give me a break!
I've gamed with many women in mixed groups, and these so-called stereotypes that we men seem to hold don't exist in most male gamers' heads. It sounds like the author had some bad experiences and decided to tar everyone with the same brush, thereby creating her own stereotypes about stereotypes in the process.
Are there people who hold to some of these ideas? Sure. But to say that these are widely held stereotypes is ridiculous. I've been to various conventions and not witnessed it. I've been in a few home campaigns and not witnessed it either.
Unfortunately I've personally witnessed #1, #2, #3, #7. That was all in high school however, which indicates the level of maturity involved (or not involved, as the case may be).
Back in 1987 I was operating a BBS (remember those?) called Dream Park. I met the woman who would become my wife when she joined. We were married that year and have been together ever since. Countless campaigns and games later, many filled with other adults of both sexes, we are happily married and happily still gaming. As to why there are fewer women than men in gaming, I suspect it comes down the willingness to sit around a table in a room in relative inactivity for hours on end. Among the many LARPers that I know there is a much higher percentage of women. Why are women less likely to play a traditional table-top RPG? I don't know. Ask a psychologist.
Hi Dave,
Was the Dream Park BBS tied to the novel/RPG of the same name? I'm reading a book called "Shared Fantasy" and it proposes a theory as to why women don't game. It has its origins in how the two genders play; although it might initially seem that girls would be better suited to the RPG-style of play, the author touches on the major component that turns them off: sitting around a table for hours on end. I know that strains my wife's patience too. LARPs don't have that, and thus attra
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