Couples should get along, but they should do more than just get along. It is a shame when a once-happy married couple is reduced to a set of roommate that just happen to share a last name. Everyone expects weddings and honeymoons to be fun, but do we expect it to end there? We shouldn’t, but it seems that way.
It is common to hear people jokingly refer to their spouses as the “old ball and chain,” suggesting that they’re trapped and anchored to their spouse, like slaves to a prison cell. What a horrible way to think of marriage! If you feel trapped, it is highly unlikely you’ll be happy. If you think of marriage as a trap, the same holds true. You should see it as a choice, something you gladly and willingly entered into, something you gladly and willingly stay in.
Take a hint from fire. You can’t just light it and think your work is done. You’ve got to stoke it, blow it, feed it. It’s real work, but in the end you get the benefit of its warmth and comfort. Marriage is the same way. It’s not something you passively go through. It’s something you actively work through. It truly is a job. This doesn’t mean that you should think of your marriage as a chore, but that you should be aware of the amount of attention and work necessary.
Once the honeymoon phase ends, a lot of couples let the romance and intimacy go with it. Between jobs, and second jobs, and kids, and other obligations, couples forget about each other. They develop a daily routine completely devoid of special time dedicated to just the two of them. “We don’t have the time,” is the common excuse given. However, if those same people are given the opportunity to get a raise at work in exchange for putting in more hours, I’m sure they’d have the time then. No matter how busy we are, people make time for the things we really want. If you really want your husband to be more than just a roommate, make time for him. If you really want wife to be more than just a roommate, pay attention to her. You can’t blame your stale marriage on anyone but yourselves, and it won’t be improved by anyone else but yourselves.
It’s easy to talk about the relationship you’d like to have. “Sure would be nice if my husband treated me like that.” The problem is that too many people only talk about it. They act as if a happy marriage is some mysterious, mythical creature that only exists in fairytales. The reality is that it only exists between couples that work hard enough to create it. Marital happiness shouldn’t fade because the excitement of the first year is over. It should grow and multiply into something that gets progressively better with age. That’s how it should be, but you just can’t sit back and wait for it to happen. You’ve got to make it happen.
Sending beautiful energy your way,
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