We have all probably experienced those moments when our child's habits change or a normal routine suddenly becomes, not so routine. Sometimes when we are going through the motions of something that is like second nature we tend to react (possibly over-react) when a wrench is thrown in the mix.
An example, your previously underwear-wearing-champion-bathroom-using-four-year-old suddenly has multiple wetting accidents. A number of reactions may occur, as a parent we may be concerned, angry, or judgmental. Now, think of it from your child's perspective. How might they react to this accident? Confusion? Sure. Embarrassment? Definitely. So, as a parent when we become judgmental in this instance what have we done? We have undermined our child's confidence and we've unraveled a little piece of that bond we have worked so hard to establish.
Attachment parenting doesn't come naturally to many parents. In fact, a majority of the parents practicing attachment parenting found their way there because they didn't want to raise their children the same way they were raised. Naturally, your first reaction would be instinctually, something you have learned from your childhood. Remember, your child isn't "acting out" to anger you, more than likely there is an underlying cause to the change in their habits. It is the parents' responsibility to find out that cause.
Here are a few ideas:
React with compassion - when faced with a change in routine, act with compassion. Remember your child isn't purposely trying to anger you or ruin your day. If a bathroom accident occurs you might say, "Oops, it can happen to the best of us" or "Yep, sometimes we get so caught up in playing we forget to listen to our bodies". Also remember to offer lots of hugs.
Talk about it - here is your chance to get down to your child's eye level and have a conversation. Don't place blame or accuse. Take the time to snuggle or sit closely to each other and talk about what happened. You may find your little one doesn't have the words to completely express herself, try drawing pictures together or telling stories. Look for changes in your daily life or environment that may be contributing to the changes, like the arrival of a new sibling. Don't rule out physical changes either, sometimes a growth spurt can be a factor. You can easily find books on changing bodies through the Riverside County Library.
Don't stray far from the routine - when a bathroom accident occurs don't threaten to put your child in diapers, continue with the underwear. Of course this may mean having to do a couple of extra loads of laundry but it pays off in the long run. The same goes for eating habits, if your child has suddenly decided he dislikes broccoli or all things green, continue to offer the food. Don't push or force them to eat it but do make it available for them if they should decide to change their mind. Visit a working farm or the Farmer's Market (we find one in Corona and Riverside) so your child can experience all different types of fruits and vegetables.
The most important thing to remember is that your child is trying to find their sense of self and many times they lack the vocabulary to express what they are experiencing. As parents our role is to help them find their path and love them each and every day.
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