Dear Annie, I had a first date with Matt, who I met online, last week. We enjoyed each other’s company and he asked me for a second date. I suggested that we go to a concert at Shoreline Amphitheatre. Initially he said that he would prefer to do something else so that we could talk. Eventually he agreed to go, as he liked the band that was playing. He said that he would check for ticket availability the next day, and I presumed that he would contact me shortly after.
I didn’t hear from him until four days later, when he emailed, saying that he was busy. The following day he called and left a voicemail. He didn’t mention the concert.
I feel disrespected and unappreciated. I emailed him in order to hide the anger in my voice. I politely told him that I was going to the concert with someone else. Rather than explaining or apologizing, he told me that he was disappointed that I was not going with him! How could he say this? He never got back to me! Gillian
Gillian, Let’s look at this from Matt’s point of view. He liked you enough to ask for a second date. You suggested a concert. When he told you that he would rather not go, you pushed the issue. He most likely got the idea that you were more interested in seeing the band than you were in getting to know him.
More importantly, you sent him the message that, even on a first date, when most people are on their best behavior, you were not willing to compromise. He may have felt cornered, and could have agreed with you in order to change the subject.
If Matt is like most guys, he’s looking for a woman who is willing to be flexible. When a man asks you out and is footing the bill, it’s only fair to choose an activity that is initially acceptable to him. Better yet, give him a variety of choices and ask him to surprise you.
Dating is more about discovering whether you and a person to whom you’re attracted are compatible. Deciding what activities to engage in together is part of that process.
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