During my time with the examiner my topic has been Domestic Violence and abuse. The purpose is to inform readers and help anyone that may be in this situation. As someone who has found herself in this situation I had always hoped that things can change, can they?
To recap the stages of the cycle are the honeymoon phase where everything is peachy and roses and nothing can go wrong. The tension building phase where things start to build, arguments start, tempers flare and things are going down hill in a hurry. Finally and unfortunately an abusive incident, which can be physical, emotional, verbal and even sexual abuse occur.
So when do you realize if you are being sucked back into the cycle and your aggressor really has not changed and will probably never change?
- The aggressor starts to blame the victim for the abuse
- the aggressor refuses to "talk" about the incident (s) of abuse
- the aggressor gets upset when you don't "forgive" him or her
- abusing the trust, lying, breaking promises
- harassment (blowing up a victims phone and refusing to leave of give the victim time to think)
- Telling you they are this way and will not change
if any of these signs above or any listed in the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence http://mnadv.org/about-domestic-violence/what-is-domestic-violence/ website pop into your life ask yourself the following: am I being abused again and not realizing it? Odds are if it happened once it will happen again.
So what can you do to protect yourself and your loved ones?
- Have a plan if an incident occurs again.
- reflect on any occurrences and ask yourself if this is happening just like before
- seek help from the domestic violence programs in your area
- do not alert your abuser that you are questioning a possible "next time"
- talk to someone you trust and tell them your concerns
- pack a bag with clothes and important documents and leave it at a family or friends house that you can go to should something occur
- do not acquire weapons that can be turned on you
If something does occur call 911 and seek help. I am going to say this over and over again. You are not alone. It does not need to be this way. He or she does not have the god given right to place his or her hands on you at any time, you are beautiful and deserve respect and love.
In my case, things did not occur again but my gut was telling me it was heading that way, I am making a clean brake for the sake of myself, my child, and my family. I do not want to go through anymore anguish or pain, I just want to be happy and so should you. I have forgive my attacker not for him but for myself so that I can live in peace and tranquility and so that he no longer has a hold on me. If you can you should do the same for your own sake. Stay safe out there and as always if you need an ear to talk to i am here. Please feel free to email me day or night.
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