Every day, in America, three women and one man are killed from domestic violence. These statistics are staggering. If that’s not bad enough, the economic downturn has amplified the situation. Domestic violence is up nearly 33%.
Chances are you have a friend whose name comes to your mind when you hear these statistics. Your heart breaks for her. When you questioned her, she denied it. However, she must first acknowledge the abuse before she can get help. How can face the fact that the man she loves is hurting her? What would everyone say? Her shame forces her to keep up the facade and pray things will improve. As her friend, you’re angry and concerned. You’re angry at her abuser, angry that she won’t stand up to him and angry that you are powerless to do anything for her.
What can you do?
- Continue to be her friend. You might be her only one. Most of her friends have bailed by this point. In fact, her abuser has done his best to isolate her from the people he feels might interfere. But don’t fall into codependency and accept her false excuses. Carefully question her so she knows you aren’t buying it.
- Pray for guidance and for her safely. Pray that her abuser gets the help her needs and that she has the courage to seek help.
- Gently ask her if anyone is hurting her. Don’t name her husband – even if you suspect him.
- Talk about domestic violence in general terms. Give her an abuse hot line number or materials on where to get help- if she ever has a “friend” who needs it. Let her know you have resources if she feels uncomfortable keeping material where her abuser might find it.
- Document any physical abuse you do see. Write it on your calendar or keep a journal of it. When she’s ready, this can be a powerful document in her defense.
- Pray and Wait. Unfortunately, abuse has a way of escalating; eventually it will become obvious to everyone.
- Recommend a good counselor who specializes in abuse.
Further Resources:
Bold & Free Ministries on Facebook
Comments
Documenting what you see is good advice for a touchy situation.
There is a good organization to help abusive men called Amend (Abusive Men Exploring New Directions). Of course, getting men to acknowledge their need for such a group is the hard part, but it helps to know what resources are available.
Great post for a difficult topic.
Great article, Jan. This is excellent information that everyone should have, said concisely and clearly.
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