The process of deciding to and eventually following through on taking a gifted learner out of school is fraught with difficulties. It's distinct from the experiences of parents of neurotypical learners, as many parenting decisions are with gifted kids. From the difficulty of serving the needs of a student who may have already surpassed his parents' education, to dealing with the anger of school districts who are losing some of their best students, this process is especially difficult.
What are the warning signs?
We all remember times that we were unhappy in school. Being a child and being unhappy about some aspect of your life is par for the course, and some would argue, actually good for you. Children whose parents solve all their problems can grow to be timid adults, afraid of failure. [Read a New York Times article on this subject.]
However, parents of gifted kids say that some types of stress unnecessarily punish the child rather than offering tough situations that challenge him. These stresses can include:
- A bright child who is consistently bored with unchallenging schoolwork, to the point that her grades slip and she loses interest in pursuing intellectual and academic activities.
- A formerly even-tempered child who starts to suffer mood swings and self-destructive behaviors.
- A child who reacts with stress to attempts to offer a more rigorous curriculum.
- A child who claims sickness to get out of school on a regular basis.
- A school administration or teacher who blames the child but offers no solutions from their side.
What can parents do?
The first thing parents should remember is that they and they alone are their child's best advocate. Teachers and administrators may believe that they are acting in a child's best interests, but they are also part of a system and are likely to feel compelled to work within that system.
Parents who don't feel that they can be a strong advocate without help should enlist the help of a licensed therapist or other professional who can guide them in their decision-making.
It is also important that parents remember that any decision regarding their child's education is "for now," not necessarily final. When parents keep this goal in mind, their interactions with teachers and administrators will be more focused on the problems at hand.
Finally, parents should remember that we are living in a time of increasing educational options. Although it may be distressing that the school of choice isn't working out, other possibilities do exist for families willing to pursue them.
School alternatives
No matter what your child's current school situation, there will be at least one alternative to consider.
- Your neighborhood public school
A good number of parents of gifted kids write off their local public schools before kindergarten, but in many cases the public school is worth a look. Perhaps your local school has a stronger gifted education program than the private school you chose. It's also possible that your local school will have services for your twice-exceptional gifted student that a private school can't afford to offer.
- A smaller charter school
Though charter schools are sometimes definitely not the answer, as they are likely to serve a narrower range of students than a neighborhood school, sometimes their focus can be just right for a gifted learner. An arts-focused charter school, for instance, can offer more advanced arts courses for a gifted learner who is serious about drama or music. A science-focused charter school will offer greater challenge in the sciences.
- A local private school
Private schools do not necessarily offer a better learning opportunity for gifted kids, but in some cases, their structure allows for greater freedom. A private school set up with independent learning options will be able to accommodate accelerated students more easily. A private school that has attracted teachers who have professional experience in their fields might offer deeper learning opportunities. And some private schools do focus on gifted learners and can be successful integrating a wider variety of learning styles.
- Online classes to supplement learning at your school of choice
In this age of connectivity, there is no reason why your child's school can't allow supplementary learning within their traditional structure. A student could pursue advanced math or unusual subjects not offered at the school with the support of a willing administrator or teacher. Although many online options are fee-based, exceptions like Khan Academy and HippoCampus are growing in number and quality.
- A non-local gifted school with either boarding or distance learning options
Gifted programs such as the Davidson Academy are set up to help families who lack appropriate educational services in their area.
- Hybrid school: onsite attendance paired with independent study
More schools than ever are starting to be receptive to the idea of pairing onsite attendance with independent study. A student may attend school for general purposes such as PE, general education, and school-based activities while learning independently in specific subjects. The independent learning could take the form of homeschooling, attending distance learning classes, or attending local community college classes.
- Homeschool
Homeschooling, once unusual for gifted children, is becoming more common. Parents of gifted children may find local gifted homeschooling support groups, and can get help online through gifted homeschooling forums and distance learning classes focused on the needs of gifted homeschoolers.
No decision is final
It's important for parents to offer their children partnership in educational decisions. A child who feel that he has chosen to try a new path will be more resilient as he encounters difficulties. Children should know that education is an ongoing process, started at their birth, in partnership with their parents and the professionals who guide them. When school isn't working, even small changes can open up new avenues.
For more information
The Gifted Homeschoolers' Forum recently put out their first publication, entitled Making the Choice: When Typical School Doesn't Fit Your Atypical Child, by by Corin Barsily Goodwin, Executive Director of the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum, and Mika Gustavson, MFT. This book outlines Goodwin and Gustavson's procedure for evaluating your child's educational needs.
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