Caregivers see many losses in our life. Perhaps the one most enormous when it occurs is not one that we have expected. Especially when caring of a person with a terminal disease or during a long illness, only to have the culmination of the situation is the death of that person. During the work we have been fortifying ourselves with platitudes and reminders of what will ultimately happen; and when the ultimate end does come, it may seem so quiet and benign that we are just kind of glance over.
When we have finished with the last wishes of our person, we know that is when we will begin the grieving. When we are again in a quiet place (too quiet) and have time. For some of us, this is the time to get right back into our own life, going back to our bowling, card groups or theater, and we do. However, there is something just not right, we are not sure what and certainly it is not an overpowering feeling or all the time, we just notice it from time to time.
We don’t cry (after all we have known of this climax for 2 years), however, what we do notice is a weight loss, perhaps just not feeling well. And we go to the doctor only to be told they are glad we are losing a little weight, and probably it is because we are getting more exercise. Soon we notice a need for quiet and solace. We know we should be doing more, however one bowling league and, maybe, a movie is all we can do. We feel tired much of the time.
Not until the nurse at the doctor’s office is it recognized that we may be depressed. Could this be (?); never before has anyone mentioned this. Doctor prescribes a medication and says try it for 3 months; then we will re-evaluate the progress. Is this really doing any good? We have been taking it for a month and seeing little difference. Today we go to the grocery store and just as we get in line, a person with the same aftershave as our person wore gets in line behind us. It physically hurts to smell that smell, and there are tears running down our cheeks. What is going on, this is embarrassing – but we can’t stop.
After that day, things seemed better a little each week. We now bowl and go to the theater, but also we go out to eat with friends and (this is huge) we have people in for visits. Yes, we are getting better.
Don’t let depression rule a life. Talk with your doctor. There are many faces of grief. And if you want to learn more go to :http://webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/good-mourning-exploring-the-... Darcie is a licensed counselor and has guest speakers frequently.