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When it's better not to be nice

Learn how to steer clear of incoming creepsters before it's too late.
Learn how to steer clear of incoming creepsters before it's too late.facebook.com

It’s a Thursday night and you’re at Sancho’s with a few girlfriends, ordering a Maker’s on the rocks and getting change for a five to play "Sugar Magnolia" in the juker. You steal a quick glance around the room as you take a first swig of the burning beverage and spot a guy in a straw cowboy hat, tacky blue Hawaiian shirt, and porn-star ‘stache giving you a creepy half-smile from across the bar. You promptly remember the first and most important rule when it comes to avoiding these clueless loathsome strangers before it’s too late. D.M.E.C. (DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT). You learned this from a close girlfriend long ago. Creepy dudes feed off of any sign, however subtle, of real human connection. If Stetson cologne is their poison, eye contact is their bait.

But wait, it’s too late. The Hawaiian cowboy has been hooked by your glance and is worming your way. You curse yourself for your misfortune and turn to your friend in hopes of psychically fending off this incoming creepster. But, like most unsophisticated creatures meandering this section of Colfax on weeknights, he taps you on the shoulder and grins the familiar grin of feeble-minded inebriates. He wants to chit-chat. Can he buy you another drink? What do you think about the new Nickelback song and blah blah blah…and so on...

You listen halfheartedly and try your best to send polite, yet explicit clues that you’re not interested. But, like the majority of his clueless brethren, this dud doesn’t seem to be taking the hint and you’re finding yourself at the familiar ethical crossroads often reached by people accused of being “too nice.” There’s nothing you’d like more than to suck it up and tell this dirt bag straight-up to get lost. But you just don’t have the heart to do it.

“Instead of making up excuses like having to go to the bathroom or having some imaginary super-muscley boyfriend waiting for you at home, I find it most effective to tell annoying guys that you simply don’t wish to pursue anything outright, be it a five minute conversation or a second date,” declares Claire Whitman, a savvy Denverite who has mastered the art of letting losers down easily. “I’m not gonna waste my night beating around the bush with some lame dude when I have better things to do, like playing pool with my friends or just enjoying my PBR in peace,” she asserts.

Although not all of us may feel comfortable employing such frank strategies when it comes to avoiding creepy fellows, perhaps Claire’s straight-forward approach is at least worth a shot. We can’t expect clueless strangers to take a hint when we’re not being completely candid with them. So instead of squirming uncomfortably on your bar stool or telling the mouth-breathing, Alice in Chains T-shirt wearing cretin that you don’t want to dance because it makes the metal plate in your head jiggle loose, you might want to try the simple, sincere method of plainly stating you’re not interested. “It’s best to extinguish any unrealistic fantasies of your star-gazing future together as quickly as possible,” Claire alleges. In the short run, you may hurt the sleazy dude’s feelings a bit. In the long run, you’ll be doing all of us a big favor.

Comments

  • Lady Dee 4 years ago

    Your article is so on point!!

  • Tara 4 years ago

    Loved it Kikes! Peeing my pants from laughing so hard at the unfortunate memories your story provokes. Very well put.

  • Perfect M 4 years ago

    I agree and think streight forward is the best approach, why give a guy hopes... give him time to bother someone else, who knows he might find someone drunk enough later!

  • miss martini 4 years ago

    i think women in denver should be happy if ANY man approaches them ,offers to buy them a drink....and wait a second...an offer to dance? oh the horror! bring on the creapsters in cowboys hats anyday i say. god save me from another dirty broading hipster who can't be bothered to have a conversation, dance, and carry on like a normal human being. i'll take the ugly "cretin". never date a man that is better looking then you. they think they are entitled.

  • Rhett 4 years ago

    Agreed, be right on point and let the creeps move on to a different female. For every 10 denials there's a woman out there that has her beer goggles on and is down for whatever. Maybe miss martini? I'll take a quick and easy denial any day over wasting my time with someone who is not interested and letting me buy her drinks anyways.

  • jonney 4 years ago

    Whiskey AND Sugar Magnolia??? You want to go out sometime?? Next article you should examine the 'tour de rail'. I think that could really take off.

  • Lisa B 4 years ago

    Kika and Claire know how to do it! It was a very funny and well written article with great advice. Don't lead those creeps on! You'll never get rid of them

  • MamaTing 4 years ago

    Well said Kika, it's so very true.

  • Augusta 4 years ago

    Nice to see that Denver hasn't changed since I left...

  • Tush 4 years ago

    That's it, don't beat around the bush just break their poor little hearts right off the bat, done and done. Thus avoiding meaningless conversation for the sake of being nice and also avoiding the “walk of shame” once you have slipped into those familiar fitting beer goggles.

  • Father D 4 years ago

    Why attacking Stentson and other American values? Soon we shall make fun or outright dismiss all good men that enjoy a burger, a truck, a beer, or a good and tame woman. This feminist streak makes me sick.

  • Chet 4 years ago

    I'm with father D. I grew a mustache because I was born with a cleft palate if you have a problem with that I’ll punch you in the face! I’ve had many women tell me to kiss off and I don’t appreciate it, I would rather live the fantasy. One time a girl name Whitney talked to me for 2 hours down at the VFW. She was hot… it was the best night of my life.

  • Ron 4 years ago

    Next article...what to do when even "not being nice" doesn't work!

  • Anonymous 3 years ago

    There are ways to still be nice, make your point, and not be a jerk. Simply saying your not interested and doing it in a kind way will often do the trick. There is no need to be a jerk or take pleasure in juding people or putting them down.