When he's a man with a plan...go with it!

 

Dear Annie, I just came home from my first, and definitely last, date with Ramona. I met her online, and planned to take her to Chow for a bite to eat. I figured that if things went well, we could walk around the neighborhood later. She told me that she’d eaten there too many times, and insisted that we go to Uva Enoteca, as she believed that they had a better wine selection. I didn’t want to get into an argument, so I went along with her. When we got there, she picked out “the best” food for us to share and urged me to order her choice of wine for myself. She obviously thought she was an expert, but I would have been more impressed with her if she had just gone along with my original idea.

I feel like I can’t win. Why is it that when a guy doesn’t have a plan, women say he’s flaky, but when he does have one, they want to change it? I had a good time, but I don’t want to pursue anything with her because of her pushy attitude.

Please send the ladies the message that if they want a second date, they shouldn’t try to micromanage the first one. Jay

Dear Jay, Many women don’t understand how stressful it is to arrange a first date. First, you have to get the nerve to ask her out. You wouldn’t want to call and say “Let’s go out sometime--wherever and whenever you want, whatever you want to do.” It wouldn’t sound right. So, before you call, you make a plan that is meant to please someone who you barely know while not breaking the bank. When she tells you that she’d rather do something else, you’re likely to feel that she’s disrespecting the time you have invested. And you might picture yourself more like her puppet than her partner in the future.

Let’s consider what might have been going on with Ramona. Perhaps she was really nervous about your date, and wanted to impress you with her wine and food knowledge. She could have been excited about sharing a “great find” with you. She probably wasn’t aware that she was doing anything offensive. Rather than being controlling, she may not have been aware of how to best behave on a date.

Since you had a good time with her, why not give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her out one more time. When you know each other better—perhaps you can joke that it’s your turn to make the plans. Without “first-date nerves,” you might discover that she’s a lovely person.

This is one of the most common complaints that I hear from men. If a woman wants to increase her chances of being called for a second date, it’s best to go along with the original plan. You’ll get a chance to impress him with your favorite place or activity once you get to know him.

Coming up: Join me as I divulge secrets of successful midlife dating to midlife singles at Rich Gosse's Midlife Holiday Mixer this Sunday, December 6 from 5:00pm - 7:00pm. Cost $10 at the door.
Location : 5A5 Steak Lounge, 244 Jackson St., between Battery & Front, San Francisco CA 94111.

San Francisco based midlife dating coach, Annie Gleason, teams up with singles who are frustrated with the dating scene and helps them to transform their love lives with her exclusive five-step program.

For more info: Check out dating classes, events and midlife dating information at www.getalovelife.net or email annie@getalovelife.net