What happens when today’s “modern-alternative” mate meets today’s “traditional” mate? Do sparks fly, or does dust hit the fan? Should they call it quits or find a compromise? In such a diversified world with so many dating pools from which to choose, the issue not always about finding middle ground, but sometimes about peeling back enough layers to find quality – and filling one’s “Life’s Tool Chest” with enough tools to avoid that endless fish-and-find.
Already a few weeks in to 2013 and folks are excited about dating in a new year with hope and the thought of finding that special someone. Fortunately, we live in a diversified world with many pools from which to choose – from online and social networks to work and church groups to family gatherings and outings with friends – the issue not so much the resource but more the communication and finding of middle ground. Luckily bridge-building and tools pulled from our “Life Tool Chest” help people maintain an open communication. There are, however, rare occasions when two shall meet that the thought of bridging distance is just not an option, let alone the building of a bridge leading to a resolution. What immediately comes to mind are two types constantly in conflict: Today’s “modern-alternative” and today’s “traditional.” So who exactly are these women and men, and will the two ever be able to discover common ground?
Some might describe a “traditional” woman of today as a woman with old-fashioned values who is hard-working, loyal, caring, sexy, and intelligent with a heart of gold, who takes care of herself, with values held high in every aspect even when her emotions hang as freely as her honesty, though not stuffy. She knows what she wants and what she doesn’t want. She wears just enough blitz to enhance, but never too much bling to camouflage; she’s adjusted her age four fairytale to meet her needs of today for she’s come to learn that happiness and love come not in the choosing of the best man, but in the choosing of the man that makes her the best woman she can be.
Some describe today’s “traditional” man much the same, adding to his big heart unheard of chivalry and ethics – in every aspect, for he doesn’t play games, except on the field – playing on it but never with it; eyes never roaming for he knows exactly what he wants. More importantly, he’s not looking for perfection or some tweaked version of his age 12 on up fantasies; and has learned that acceptance, patience and understanding come with far greater rewards when behind effort.
On the other side of traditional comes those who would describe today’s modern-alternative woman as “too sexy” – even for herself; whether due to lack of eating or the makeup camouflaging everything she is; for everything in life shifts, adjusts and is negotiable.
Some might describe today’s modern-alternative man to be the same, adding the instantaneous unrealistic world he lives in with his “I want it all now“ and his “I don’t care” attitude – all accompanied by his fly-by-night or fly-off-the-handle-into-the-frying-pan glimpses of reality. Whether they be due to his makeup – or remnants from the person he was with the previous evening.
The descriptives may sound somewhat drastic and maybe even absurd, however, they may not be all that far off from today’s dating world since many “traditionals” of today were rejected from many “modern-alternatives” because they didn’t believe in an instantaneous and disposable love. Knowing that dating is not supposed to be an endless fish-and-find or about labels, not everyone is going to expose their every truth out of the gate in any reality; so when meeting someone new who is as different as night and day, the only chance couples have is finding any reason to want to move forward – even if that is a discussion of a bridge to build. And by all means, at that point they should gather the materials to build that bridge, recycled, borrowed or bought. Anything that happens after that would be a bonus.
The dating world is a mess, there’s no doubt about it. The dating pools and resources are finally becoming more plentiful, but that does not mean they are of better quality. Folks are going to have to weed through and keep an open mind if they are to find someone of quality worth keeping – using the tools they have managed to add to their’ “Life Tool Chest” (which we will be working on in 2013). Sometimes it’s after the peeling back of a few layers that we discover “life” in someone; and in this day and age, people have built up so many walls that it could take quite a bit of peeling. Be patient, kind and keep in mind that society’s norm is out; paving your own path and holding your own beliefs steadfast is in. Differences once found to be challenging should be viewed as explorations with the end result (even if no result) should be what is seen and not the agony in the climb.
So many are used to roaming aimlessly, lifeless; so maybe, just maybe we can save yet another generation from torching yet another year of unconscious hearts. So for this New Year 2013 that is destined to be the year for change, it’s time to date happier and healthier – starting with realization, perspective and attitude that can do wonders for learning how to maintain friendships, find compromise when it’s not a deal-breaker and learning how to better communicate in any relationship; keeping in mind that there is no such thing as failure as no one can fail unless they fail to try again.
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"Life tool Chest" ...Because there is no task too difficult when you have the right tools
Realization – As soon as we realize and accept that dating is what it is – such as it will always be a pool of assorted mishmash, rejects, baggage, modern-alternatives, traditionals, and nothing is perfect – we can always restart with a clean slate.
Perspective – "It’s all in our perspective” is a truth we are going to have to realize exists for a reason. Don’t like what you see? Try a different or fresh perspective. Change directions and try a different approach.
Attitude – We can’t change others, how they choose to act; but we can change our attitude and how we react to what they say and do. No one can hurt us without our permission.
There is no such thing as failure – There is no such thing as failure as no one can fail unless they fail to try again.
Stay tuned for more on how to build your life tool chest in dating, relationships and friendships with P.K.’s Dating Advice.
Note: The photo accompanying this article is a shot of the inside of the Rrazz Room at Hotel Nikko in San Francisco.