We’re told at a young age not to judge a book by its cover. That's just bullroar. If you don't judge a book by its cover you're going to waste a lifetime reading horrible books. If a book's cover doesn't lead to me reading a book, that isn't my fault. It's the publisher's fault for having such a terrible cover. That’s the purpose of a cover. The same is true of coworkers. There are certain behaviors and habits that all coworkers publicly exhibit that will give off a good or bad impression. Your drinking habits are just one of those behaviors. A beverage says a lot about a person.
Here are some favorites:
SIGG bottle of water
Probable job role:
Marketing
What your drink says:
“I'm an a**hole who pretends to love the outdoors. In reality, I have no interest in anything outdoors other than buying outdoor apparel at REI. Oh, and I also feel superior to you for using reusable containers."
64oz Diet Coke fountain drink
Probable job department or role:
Customer Service
What your drink says:
“You see this Diet Coke? This is the closest thing I’ll ever get to doing something "healthy", so don’t you even say a word to me about my morbid obesity.”
2 liter bottle of Tahitian Treat
Probable job department or role:
The worst job you can think of
What your drink says if you’re a man:
“Is your 12 year old daughter seeing anyone? She’s hot!”
What your drink says if you’re a woman:
“I buy my ashtrays from Walmart.”
$3.50 Hot Tea from a Coffee/Tea Shop
Probable job department or role:
Manager in any department
What your drink says if you’re a man:
“Did you see The Bachelorette last night? OMG!”
What your drink says if you’re a woman:
“Did you see The Bachelorette last night? OMG!”
Jamocha Shake from Arby’s
Probable job department or role:
Information Technology
What your drink says:
“I enjoy the value that can be had from a 5 for 5 deal. I also enjoy ample amounts of food.”
Run of the mill coffee, black, no window dressing
Probable job department or role:
Any department, supervisor role
What your drink says:
“What the f**k are you looking at?”
Bottle of Mt. Dew
Probable job department or role:
Developer / Coder
What your drink says:
“I’m ultra-adventurous…on my computer.”
Can of Diet Rite
Probable job department or role:
Microphishe liaison
What your drink says:
“I'm older than your whore of a mother.”
Feel free to share your own thoughts on “beverage tells” in the comments below.
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