Face it, we live in a nation of Low Information Voter news dullards.
Jon Stewart trading quips and staring cow-eyed into the immaculate awesomeness that IS President Wonderful passes for news.
Just so long as the freebie Oba-Phones and EBT Cards are flowing, la dolce vita.
So for the Walking Dead-ocrats who don't know the difference between Syria and Chlamydia, I'll break it down for you Big Bird-style.
The Tale of Obama's Half-Assad War...
Once upon a time, not too long ago in a land far, far away that was a lot like Disney's Aladdin, only with automatic weapons and suicidal maniacs, there were two very different groups of people.
The first group, we'll call Bashie and his Bullies.
Now Bashie's and his Bullies were mean.
Bashie wouldn't let the people choose who would be the king! Bashie was mean to his playmates next door!
Bashie and his Bullies did all sorts of other rude and nasty things... like he didn't drive a Prius, recycle or believe in Climate Change!
You Can't Be Syrious...
The other group we'll call the Jumpin' Jihadis.
The Jumpin' Jihadis loved to jump. Jump! Jump! Jump!
If they saw a wretched female learning her ABC's, they'd jump right over and laughingly throw sulfuric acid in her face! Jump! Jump! Jump!
If they had a sleepover with an infidel pig-dog priest, they would jump right over and give him the closest haircut he ever got! Jump! Jump! Jump!
And if they ever had a play date with any of mean ol' Bashie's Bullies, they'd jump right over and play the jumpin'est game of AK-Leap Frog you ever saw! Jump! Jump! Jump!
1,001 Obamian Nights...
Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah heard one day that a whole bunch of little friends got sick.
That troubled Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah greatly. Everyone was mandated to be very, very sad. Which, by the way, isn't covered by ObamaCare.
But I digress. Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah summoned Bashie and his Bullies as well as The Jumpin' Jihadis to find out who made so many people sick. Hail Barry!
So when Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah asked "who was it that made so many of my little friends sick?" The Jumpin' Jihadis jumped up right away and used their outside voices to say "NOT IT!"
That's all Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah needed to hear!
So then Dear Leader Barry the ObaMessiah by-passed Congress and the War Powers Act of 1973 and launched a Tomahawk Cruise Missile strike on Bashie and his Bullies.
Things quickly escalated and got out of control, which spiraled in World War III.
Everyone died a horrible, fiery death.