You think he is wonderful, think again. Open his hamper and then decide. Discover why his sneakers will soon be your enemy, even though he was the guy that you thought was perfect to bring home to mother. Cohabitation is wonderful in theory but its the surprises that will come your way that can quickly debunk that theory!
The man of your dreams has asked you to move in with him. This is a big step and one you've been thinking about for quite some time. Here are just a few things you should know before making your decision:
You never see a man for who he truly is until you do his wash for the first time. They can do things to clothes that you never thought possible. Let's start with the hamper. This harmless container in the corner of the bathroom holds the worst smells known to mankind. You will not believe the man you love can produce anything as foul smelling as what seeps out of the hamper when you open the lid.
You grab for a clean towel to mask your breathing as you begin to sort the clothes into piles. When your eyes start to tear from the fumes, you run away to the farthest room in the house to catch a breath of clean air. With your face wrapped tightly in a towel again, you go in to finish the task. As you get to the bottom of the hamper you are stricken with fear when you realize there is nothing dead or molting in there and that it is your other half alone that produced such rancid odors.
You look on in shock and amazement at the array of colors the human body is capable of excreting as you stare at his underclothes. Your first instinct is to call your mother to ask if this normal, but in case it is not this isn't an image you want left with her so you decide against it. You run to your lap top and do a search on how to get crust off of socks. You are really hoping you will hit upon something that will also explain the origin. This experience has left you traumatized and reaching for the phone to schedule an earlier appointment with your therapist.
Sneakers, oh if he owns a pair of sneakers beware. I think they grow science projects in them. I know now why I have seen many pairs of men's sneakers dangling from telephone lines throughout the years. Woman can not throw them far enough away once introduced to the smell. I can picture the women standing on the front porches flinging those babies as high and far as their strength allows them to on move-in day.
A misplaced men's sneaker is the easiest thing to find in the house. This is the one and only thing you won't mind going on a hunt for when you hear, "where are my sneakers" They are so easy to find, just follow your nose because you know if they stay lost for too long your house will need to be fumigated.
I think sneakers should not be allowed in the house. Some one needs to invent a sneaker box , like an old fashioned milk box that sits outside the front door. One made of something insulated to avoid any fume seepage. Not only would a sneaker box save your house, but it can be used as a weapon of sorts. When you see one of those religious groups going house to house to bring you the good news, open the sneaker box to send them the bad news and they will definitely not venture on your property again.
When first moving in together your sense of smell will be challenged. It is unpleasant and unfortunately unavoidable. In time, you will get used to it, but until then the first few weeks of living together can be challenging to all your senses!