If I say so myself, I am a fairly objective writer and author. If you read my books and my other articles here on The Examiner.com, you will see that I tend to offer just as many (if not more) harsh criticisms of men's behavior toward women than I do about women's undesirable behavior toward men.
I recently had one of my male followers write me and say, "Alan, you should write another book that goes into more detail about the women you refer to as 'Timewasters' in Chapter Eight of your second paperback, Upfront and Straightforward. I think I could really benefit from a book like that." I might just do that. For now though, I am going to present this article as food for thought (primarily for my male readers).
If you visit Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.com, you will see that there are very few books that center on the subject of "types of women that men should avoid." There are a dozens of books that offer advice to single women on the various types of men to avoid (e.g., men who are selfish and egotistical, men who are physically and emotionally abusive, men who frequently and blatantly lie to women, men who regularly cheat on women, men who don't financially support their children, etc., etc., etc.).
Look at the recent divorce between former NFL star wide receiver Chad Johnson and his ex-wife Evelyn Lozada (of VH-1's "Basketball Wives" fame). What was Chad thinking pursuing this woman to be his wife? Seriously. This woman presented a forest full of red flags.
One reason why I believe most dating and relationships book authors and experts do not harshly criticize women is because women buy most self-help books. There is a reason why many authors play up to women. Steve Harvey's popular book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man did not become a New York Times Bestseller because of men buying his book. It was women who made Harvey's book #1. Even Neil Strauss' popular book targeted to single men, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists primarily became a best seller because it exposed how manipulative men can be with women when they are horny and want to get into a woman's pants fairly quickly. Trust me ... just as many if not more women read that book than men.
I have often said to my friends, you write a book that trashes men's behavior toward women in today's dating scene, and you will sell at least 100,000 books easily. You write a book that trashes women's behavior toward men in today's dating scene, you will be called a "misogynist," a "chauvinist," a "sexist," or at minimum, a "whiner and complainer." You will be lucky to sell more than 10,000 books.
Well, I am not sure if I will write a fourth paperback that the reader of my books suggested, but at minimum, I will offer my take on at least four categories of women that men should avoid engaging in any type of long-term and/or monogamous romantic relationship with.
When I was young, I had an uncle that said it best. He said, "Son ... marriage is either going to be heaven or hell for you, depending on the quality of woman you choose. You choose the right woman, marriage is the closest thing to heaven on earth. You choose the wrong woman, and marriage will quickly become the closest thing you will ever experience to hell on earth. When thinking of marriage, please choose wisely." Since I am still a bachelor, obviously the fear of hell is more profound in my mind than the appeal of heaven when it comes to the idea of being married.
Here are some brief capsules of the women that I tend to suggest that men avoid:
1) Women who have no problem being a man's "other woman"
Comment: If a woman has no problem having sex with men who are married or otherwise already romantically involved with another woman, this is a major "red flag" in my mind. I have always told my male friends, acquaintances and supporters to never get 'serious' with a woman who was willing to date you and have sex with you while you were married, or already involved with another woman.
If a woman confesses to you that she has regularly had sex with married men in the past, leave that woman alone immediately. How can a man ever truly respect a woman who has no problem exchanging orgasms with a liar and a cheater / adulterer?
If your interest is nothing beyond casual sex, then go for it. Otherwise, leave that woman alone. If you choose to enter into a long-term monogamous relationship or marriage with a woman of this caliber, there is a greater than fifty percent chance that this woman is going to cheat on you.
2) Women who are blatant "Attention Whores" and "Cock Teasers"
Comment: If you are a woman who lets men know in an upfront, specific, definite, and straightforward manner that you are interested in having sex with them ... or that you are not interested in having sex with them ... then I have no criticism of you whatsoever. You keep being the non-manipulative straight-shooter that you are.
The women who I do have harsh criticisms of are those who are more vague, ambiguous and misleading about their desires and interests ... or lack thereof.
There are some women who have no interest in dating a man or having sex with a man, but that does not mean that these women do not want these horny and persistent men to stop putting forth an effort to try to sleep with them and consistently offer them flattering attention, entertaining conversation, platonic social companionship, or even financial favors (read my previous article for more detail). I refer to these seemingly "innocent flirts" as "attention whores." If they are more sexually provocative with their behavior, I refer to them as "cock teasers."
How many times have you been on Facebook, and you see a woman who posts nothing but photos of herself in a bikini and/or lingerie? If a man posts photos of himself in nothing but his briefs, trust me ... he's trying to get laid. Men very rarely want flattering attention just for the sake of egotistical satisfaction. Men want attention from women as a means of getting more sex from more women. The only man I know who takes provocative pictures of himself who says that he is practicing premarital celibacy is NY Jets' quarterback Tim Tebow. The other 99.9% of single guys posing with their shirts off? They want to get laid.
Personally, I have no desire to look at multiple photos of a woman who is nude, or damn-near-nude, if I am not having sex with them or on the verge of having sex with them. Now, I realize that some men (especially younger men with raging hormones) might be a wee bit different than me. The question that has to be asked is, "why does this woman want me to see multiple photos of her nude or semi-nude if she has not expressed any desire to have sex with me?" Even strippers, who are often labeled attention whores and cock teasers, will offer a man (or woman) a lap dance for a fee.
The reality is, just like some men get labeled (validly or invalidly) "sex addicts," there are many women in society who are 'addicted' to receiving flattering attention from fawning, horny men. Let me say this to the men again very emphatically: If a woman is trying to get you sexually aroused so that she can ultimately have sex with you .... great. If a woman is trying to get you sexually aroused simply so she can motivate you to fill up her ego with excessive compliments, or in order to get you to offer her a free lunch or dinner ... you are about to become a sucker to the feminine charms of an attention whore or cock teaser.
3) Women who love to argue just for the sake of arguing (i.e., "Drama Queens")
Comment: I love a movie or television show that includes a lot of good "drama." For example, just a few months ago, I became a huge fan of the Showtime series, Homeland (If you were a fan of "24" on FOX, "Homeland" is like '24' on steroids).
When it comes to my relationships with women ... short-term, long-term, monogamous, non-monogamous, sexual, platonic ... I want them to be as "drama-free" as possible. Is every disagreement or argument with a woman representative of "drama?" No. If you are having sex with your secretary behind your wife's back, and she finds out about it and admonishes you for it, that is not "drama." That is you getting a mouthful because you have no integrity.
"Drama" would be representative of your wife noticing that your secretary is attractive and possesses a high degree of sex appeal, and then she automatically assumes that you are having sex with her even though you have never given her a valid indication of such behavior. "Why did you have to hire HER??" "Why couldn't you have hired a woman who is ugly and missing a few teeth??" Questions like that = unnecessary drama.
I return to my criticisms of Chad and Evelyn. If you have read anything about their short-lived relationship, you already know that their relationship was full of drama. Is anyone surprised that this marriage barely lasted two months? As a man giving advice to another man, this is what happens when you pursue women solely based on superficial qualities such as a pretty face, a nice smile, and/or the body of a stripper or porn star without really getting to know what's underneath that woman's highly appealing exterior.
The appeal of looks fades quickly when a woman is very hard-to-get-along-with. I'd rather be in a long-term relationship with an average-looking woman who provides me with peace of mind than a drop-dead gorgeous woman that causes my hair to change from black to premature gray in a matter of weeks because of too much stress and antagonistic conversations and interactions.
4) Women who simply do not respect you as a man, and constantly try to belittle you or emasculate you in front of others
Comment: This category of women might seem "too obvious," as far as women to avoid, but you would be surprised how many men put up with women who consistently disrespect them and condescend to them.
I will never forget when I watched an episode of Dr. Phil a few years ago, and this woman named "Kim" said on national television ... with her husband "Cliff" seated right next to her ... that he was so bad in bed and so sexually unappealing to her that she refused to have sex with him anymore. She talked him into accepting the idea of "swinging" and "couple-swapping," but she no longer had a desire to have sex with her own husband.
Now if Kim had expressed a desire for a divorce, I would have very few criticisms of her. The most interesting and sad fact was, Kim wanted to remain married to Cliff(!!) Kim went on to say, "I love my husband ... he is a good father to my daughter, he handles all of the bills, and he is fun to talk to. I just do not find him sexually attractive. I never have." The million dollar question is, "Then why did you marry this guy?" Dr. Phil was left looking incredulous.
I could not believe any man would allow himself to be publicly humiliated like this, and then choose to remain in a marriage with a woman like his wife Kim. Unbelievable. Over the years, I have even witnessed a handful of my male friends and acquaintances allowing their wives or female companions to speak to them in a manner in front of me that I would have never, ever tolerated or allowed from a woman. I cannot even indulge in casual sex with a woman if I feel like I am not receiving my proper level of respect as a man from a woman.
Men: Do not reward "bad behavior" exhibited by women. No amount of orgasmic pleasure from a woman or attention from a woman is worth allowing yourself to be treated like a woman's "bitch."
After reading this article, if many of my male followers want even MORE detailed advice regarding this subject, maybe I will contemplate writing and publishing a fourth paperback. For now, this article will have to suffice.
Again, men do not purchase as many books about dating and relationships as women do. Two books I would propose to write:
The Four Types of Women to Avoid and Why = 5,000 book sales. Maybe 10,000.
All Men are Jerks: Why Men will Always Lie to Women and Cheat on Women = I am already looking at a catalog of private jets to purchase. Can we say 1,000,000 book sales?? 10,000,000??
Well, making money is not everything.
But I would look good in my own private jet.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of three paperbacks that help single heterosexual men overcome the fears and egotistical insecurities that prevent them from approaching women with confidence, and prevent them from expressing their romantic and sexual desires, interests and intentions to single women in a more highly self-assured, upfront, and straightforwardly honest manner. Currie offers consultations via Skype, and also One-on-One Coaching sessions. For more information, visit http://www.modeone.net.
The sixth season of Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program nationally in the category of "Romance" and dating & relationships on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, begins on Thursday, September 27, 2012 @ 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/modeone for more details