You’ve met this fantastic guy and you think he may be The One. What’s even more remarkable is that he is a great dad who is active in the lives of his children. You really respect the fact that he is committed to his children and sacrifices to make sure that they’re OK. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why you love him.
The only problem is that YOU CAN’T STAND HIS KIDS! He does a wonderful job taking care of them; so much so, that they are a little spoiled. Ok, a LOT spoiled. You were so excited about the prospect of blending your families…your kids, his kids… a real life Brady Bunch. However, it’s not turning out that way. Your only relief is that his kids go to their mom’s every other weekend and you get a break. They are not only spoiled, but you find that they are unappreciative, have a sense of entitlement and they are lazy.
So, what do you do? You know what you should do. You should be the best step mom you can be and teach his kids how to appreciate their father the way they should. You can show them what strong family relationships really look like and how families work together with everyone doing their part.
Easier said than done, right? Well, maybe not. Dr. Marie from PsychCentral states that you have to have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend/husband about the way you feel. Don’t feel the need to justify the feelings, just state how you feel. Make sure that your mate knows that your intention is to work on these feelings and improve the relationships that you have with his kids.
Once you have spoken to him, if he’s open to it, come up with a plan together on how you think you can build a stronger family bond. Will it require you both coming up with new rules in regard to chores, allowances, etc? Or maybe you should have some heart to hearts with the kids and tell them things about their father so that they can start to see him in a different light, thus appreciating him a little more.
If your mate is not open to these types of solutions, then you may have to work on this issue on your own. Dr. Marie suggests going to therapy. You will have to come up with your own goals and objectives for your relationship with your step kids. Once your mate sees you making an honest effort to work on things, he’s likely to get on board and support you and the both of you working together will present a united front.
Another thing you have to decide to do is walk the walk and talk the talk until your feelings actually begin to change. Try to see what’s good about his kids and focus on that. Plan fun outings and spend quality time with them, even if you’d rather not. The more you make an effort and act as if you are crazy about these kids, the more you will train your brain to believe that you actually are.
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