July 7, 2009
A friend from Van Nuys recently noticed that a man she’s been dating for several weeks has been notably absent when she says she will try to call him, even though he will randomly contact her at other times. She’s dropped hints that she finds this behavior annoying but this only seems to encourage him to not answer his phone. She’s been surprised by this because he otherwise seems interested in her and he still suggests get togethers—just not on her schedule.
The battle of the sexes rages with full force early on in the relationship. The man in this case might have lost interest, or (more likely) he is testing her for compatibility. According to Sherry Argov in Why Men Marry Bitches, men view the early stages of a relationship as a game and they put unsuspecting women through a gauntlet of challenges to see how she will react. In this scenario the woman who keeps her cool and doesn’t become emotional, controlling, or obsessive over his withdrawals and flirtations will be the woman who wins his respect and adoration. In other words, he knows you’re trying to call him, or that he said he’ll call you. Even Men’s Health features an article about testing a new girlfriend for her psycho potential.
Part of the problem is that men and women see the early courtship stages differently—men feel that it’s a testing ground to establish patterns of dominance. Women, on the other hand, tend to look at it linearly—if they like the guy and the chemistry seems good, they might think it will proceed straight into an exclusive relationship where he can be expected to fulfill obligations. But a guy wants to know that his new girlfriend isn’t trying to fill a void in her life with him and that she won’t go crazy in his absence.
The best thing to do regarding a man that won’t call (or won’t answer) is to distract yourself from it. Throw the cell phone in a drawer and go out with friends, redecorate the bedroom, make a list of all the things you like about being single, or a list of all the reasons this guy might not be the one. Mostly find a way to be happy with yourself, as the improved mood will draw him back in. And don’t make excuses for his behavior—if he really wants to talk to you, he’ll call you 10 times in a day. And if he really just isn’t that into you, take comfort in the fact that the breakup wasn’t more drawn out and move on with your life.