What Tiger Woods' wife should do if rumore of his affair turn
out to be true. Photo: AP/File
Tiger Woods is rumored to be having an affair with Rachel Uchitel. What should Tiger’s wife do if the rumors turn out to be true?
As an infidelity expert frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, I’m often asked what the wife of a high profile cheater should do.
Each situation is different. No two episodes of infidelity are exactly alike. There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution when it comes to dealing with a cheating spouse.
If the rumors that Tiger Woods is cheating on his wife with Rachel Uchitel turn out to be true, this is the advice I would give Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren Woods.
• Experts agree that you should examine all the facts and have one or more discussions with the cheater about the cheating, so you can make an intelligent decision about what to do.
• Hold off on making a final decision about how to handle the situation until you have all, or most of the available facts, and have had one or more additional (and non-confrontational )conversations with Tiger about the affair. See the free tip sheet entitled Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance.
• Get a grip on your emotions before having any further discussion with Tiger about the alleged affair. You’ve already seen how quickly the situation can get out of control.
• Discuss the situation calmly. Keep your emotions under control. If you feel you can’t discuss the situation without losing your temper, you may want to have a neutral third party present when you discuss the affair. (counselor, religious leader, or trusted family friend) Infidelity is a highly volatile situation.
• Don’t expect a confession. Cheaters rarely come clean even in the face of solid evidence. The cheater’s creed is “Lie and deny.”
• Listen carefully and double check any information Tiger gives you about the alleged affair so you can make an accurate assessment of the situation.
• Determine whether the affair poses a serious threat to your marriage, or if it’s just a fling. See the article entitled Will He Leave You for Her?
• Keep in mind that cheaters lie. If you think Tiger is being less than truthful, have him take a polygraph test.
• Since you are not bound by the same financial constraints as the average wife who finds out her husband is having an affair, hire a reputable private investigator who specializes in infidelity investigations to verify the facts. See the article entitled When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
• Don’t waste any time or energy, or lower your dignity by attempting to confront Rachel Uchitel– the alleged other woman. This is about your husband and your marriage, not about her. See the article entitled What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You and the free tip sheet entitled 5 Things You Shouldn’t Do If He’s Cheating on You
• Consult with a divorce attorney and divorce financial planner or accountant so that you will at least be aware of what you and the children are legally entitled to.
• Have at least some general idea of what you think you might want to do, now that you know the rumors are true. – have a divorce attorney initiate a temporary separation or a divorce, give Tiger another chance, see a marriage counselor to get your marriage back on track, issue an ultimatum, put certain checks and balances in place. But delay making a decision until you’ve examined all the facts. See the free tip sheet entitled Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance, and the article entitled Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
• Engage the services of a qualified marriage and family counselor who has extensive experience in handling issues of infidelity. Not every marriage counselor is trained or experienced in handling extramarital affairs. For a referral, call the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) or visit their website.
• Get yourself tested for HIV/AIDS even if he insists that he never had unprotected sex. And insist that Tiger be tested too. Your health and maybe even your life could be at stake (His alleged mistress supposedly has a history of sleeping with married men.)
• Don’t blame yourself. See the article entitled Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat? Realize that the affair is not necessarily a reflection on you, or an indication of problems in your marriage. Infidelity studies have found that happy husbands cheat too, and that even good marriages are not immune to infidelity. See the articles entitled Happy Husbands Cheat, Too and Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat
• Don’t make any hasty decisions. Think before you act. Infidelity is a life- altering event. Take as much time as you need to decide what’s in you and your children’s best interests to do.
• If you love Tiger, hang in there. Determine what’s necessary to save your marriage Infidelity does not automatically mean that your marriage is over. Marriages can survive an affair - especially when the couple gets professional help.
The bottom line: Examine the facts. Decide on a course of action. Then proceed with a positive plan.
*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog
For more information on infidelity, cheating husbands, and extramarital affairs, see:.
An Infidelity Expert's Advice to Tiger Woods Wife
Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)
When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
5 Things You Shouldn’t Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)
What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You
Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat?
Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports
Comments
Tiger Woods is rumored to be having an affair with Rachel Utichel. REALLY?
Good article with great recommendations. Some people react out of emotion which can be disasterous. I like your rational approach. Whether it is true or not, in this case, his silence may not be golden.
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