What the Tiger Woods sex scandal can teach women about infidelity

Tiger Woods pictured here with Rachel Uchitel, the first of many alleged
mistresses to come forward.  Uchitel is the mistress who led to the exposure
of the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal.  Photo:  AP file
 

The Tiger Woods infidelity scandal has been sensational, but it’s also educational. Here are 18 important lessons women can learn from the biggest sex scandal of the decade, about infidelity and extramarital affairs.

1. Infidelity can happen to anyone at anytime. No one is immune. Tiger and Elin seemed to have a perfect marriage. Tiger had a pristine reputation and gave the impression that he was strictly a family man. See Will You Be the Next Woman to Become a Victim of Infidelity? and Happy Husbands Cheat, Too and How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates.

2. The longer infidelity goes undetected, the more confident the cheater becomes. Tiger’s cheating went on for several years before Elin found out what was going on. See Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught and Why the Wife is STILL the Last to Know.

3. Confront your husband about his cheating if you have proof that he’s having an affair. When Elin started questioning Tiger about the rumors she heard and the text messages she found, eventually all his alleged affairs came to light. See What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me? and An Infidelity Expert’s Advice to Tiger Woods’ Wife.

4. When you confront your husband about his cheating, do so in a non-violent way Tiger emphatically stated in his public apology that Elin never physically assaulted him, but there is speculation that she may have struck Tiger’s SUV with a golf club as he was driving away, causing the Thanksgiving accident. See How Infidelity Leads to Acts of Violence.

5. Don’t blame yourself if your husband is cheating. It’s not your fault. The reasons Tiger cheated had nothing to do with his wife. See The Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat and Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat? and 14 Reasons Why Tiger Woods and Other Rich and Famous Men Cheat.

6. Don’t put the cheater out or leave him right away. Assess the situation first and determine the best course of action to take. Bear in mind that it’s easier to monitor the cheater’s activities if the two of you are under the same roof. Elin didn’t immediately leave, or put Tiger out. See 5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating On You.

7. Don’t obsess over his mistress, or make her the focal point of your life. Find out the essential things you need to know about her and move on. This about you, your marriage and your husband – not the Other Woman. Unlike Elizabeth Edwards, Elin had nothing to say about the women who claimed they were sexually involved with Tiger. See What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why and Elin Nordegren, Like Most Betrayed Wives Today, Checked Out Her Husband’s Mistresses Online.

8. Most cheating men have no intention of leaving their wife and family Despite all the alleged mistresses who came forward, and all the lies they told, Tiger made it clear that his wife and family come first That’s why he’s trying desperately to make amends to Elin, and save his marriage. See Will He Leave You for Her?

9. Be cautious about going to the cheater’s friends and family for help. Although they may disapprove of his cheating, their first allegiance is to him – not you. Out of misplaced loyalty to him, they may even aid and abet his infidelity by lying for him, or covering things up until he can get his act together. Some of Tiger’s friends warned him to stop, yet they still facilitated and/ or covered up his affairs. See Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You.

10. You need to discuss the cheating with the cheater so you can make an intelligent decision about how to handle the affair. Part of Tiger’s sex addiction therapy while he was in rehab, involved coming clean to Elin about his mistresses and his affairs. It’s important to get all or most of the facts, before deciding what to do. See Go or Stay - How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chanceand Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat and What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?

11. Don’t make any hasty decisions that you might later regret. Despite the news reports of imminent divorce proceedings, Elin is taking her time to decide what’s in her and her children’s best interest to do. She’s kept all her options open for now. What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating On You and What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat and How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand.

12. Don’t speculate. Investigate. Don’t believe everything you read or hear. Mistresses lie. So do their friends. Separate fact from fiction, rumor from truth -- so you’ll know exactly what you’re dealing with. You may need to do some additional digging, or like Elin, hire a private investigator to further check things out. See 5 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity if You Suspect an Affair and 7 More Compelling Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity andWhen Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?

13. Listen carefully and double check any information the cheater gives you about the affair so you can make an accurate assessment of the situation. More Infidelity Advice from an Expert for Tiger Woods’ Wife, Now That the Rumors are True and Free Tip Sheet Helps Women Like Elin Nordegren Decide Whether or Not to Stay With a Cheating Mate.

14. Professional counseling can help. Make sure your counselor/therapist is trained and or experienced in dealing with issues of infidelity. Shortly after the first affairs came to light, Tiger and Elin went through intensive marriage counseling sessions at their home.

15. You may need to isolate yourself so you can think clearly. According to reports, Elin and Tiger were living in separate residences about a mile apart when he returned home from his sex addiction therapy in Mississippi. See Does Tiger Woods Fit the Profile of a Sex Addict? Check This List if You Really Want to Know and What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?

16. Set conditions if you decide to take your cheating husband back. If you simply hand over forgiveness on a silver platter, you’re only setting stage for him to cheat on you again. Before even considering reconciling with Tiger, Elin insisted that Tiger get professional help for his sex addiction. See If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand and Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat.

17. Some men are more prone to infidelity than others. If your husband is a cheater, or a potential cheater, you may need to put certain checks and balances in place, and keep him on a short leash. See How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates and Will He Cheat on You? and How to Handle a Potential Cheater.

18. If your husband is cheating, get tested for HIV/AIDS and other STDs. You have no guarantee that he’s practicing safe sex. Several of Tiger’s alleged mistresses said he engaged in unprotected sex. Don’t take chances with your health. See 3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know.

*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com  and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview Ruth Houston, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more detailed information, below is a complete list of the infidelity articles and free tip sheets mentioned in the article above, along with a few additional infidelity resources at the end:

• Will You Be the Next Woman to Become a Victim of Infidelity?
• Happy Husbands Cheat, Too
• How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates
• Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught
• Why the Wife is STILL the Last to Know
• What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?
• An Infidelity Expert’s Advice to Tiger Woods’ Wife
• How Infidelity Leads to Acts of Violence
• The Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat
• Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat?
• 14 Reasons Why Tiger Woods and Other Rich and Famous Men Cheat
• 5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating On You (free tip sheet)
• What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why
• Elin Nordegren, Like Most Betrayed Wives Today, Checked Out Her Husband’s Mistresses Online
• Will He Leave You for Her?
• Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You
• Go or Stay - How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)
• Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
• What Are the Major Obstacles to Taking a Cheater Back?
• What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating On You
• What Ordinary Women Do When Their Husbands Cheat
• How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand  (free tip sheet)
• 5 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity if You Suspect an Affair
• 7 More Compelling Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity
• When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
•More Infidelity Advice from an Expert for Tiger Woods’ Wife, Now That the Rumors are True
• Free Tip Sheet Helps Women Like Elin Nordegren Decide Whether or Not to Stay With a Cheating Mate
• Does Tiger Woods Fit the Profile of a Sex Addict? Check This List if You Really Want to Know
• If He’s Cheating, Take a Firm Stand
• Will He Cheat on You?  - a 7 Question Quiz
• How to Handle a Potential Cheater(free tip sheet)
• 3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know
• Why Tiger Woods Will Probably Never Cheat Again
• What Cheating Husbands Can Learn from the Tiger Woods Infidelity Scandal
• Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)
• The Best Investment You Can Make in Your Relationship for 2010
• Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)
• Other Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
• Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports