What's your temperament?

Are you a Meloncholic?

Have you ever thought of your best friend as a Choleric; described your spouse as a Phlegmatic; suggested that your child is Sanguine or Melancholic?  Likely not, but after reading this, or reading Art and Laraine Bennett’s The Temperament God Gave You, you might. 

(Quick note: If you choose to read the book and are not Catholic, read beyond the religious message, you will not only learn something interesting but, actually have fun with the theories spouted by the Bennetts, a Phlegmatic marriage therapist who is married to a Choleric freelance writer).

These “temperaments” opened my eyes up to my friends and family: my husband and daughter, natural born leaders who never stop debating (a.k.a. arguing), my reserved daughter who prefers to be alone, her face in a book, and my son who collects people and NEVER stops talking.  Including me, we have two Cholerics, a Choleric-Melancholic, a Sanguine, and a Meloncholic.

The concept of temperaments dates back to Hippocrates who lived from 460 to 377 B.C.E., Before the Common Era.  Called the “father of medical science,” Hippocrates may have been the first person to develop a theory of personality.  Unlike Sigmund Freud, who in the 20th century theorized that a person’s thoughts/mind drive his/her personality, pre-Freud, scientists believed that personality was driven by bodily functions.  Hippocrates, specifically, believed that human bodies contained four main types of fluid and an imbalance of those fluids drove a person’s personality.
 

Choleric: yellow bile from the liver
Sanguine: blood from the heart
Melancholic: black bile from the kidneys
Phlegmatic: phlegm from the lungs

We’ve come a long way from Hippocrates theory, yet as you’ll see, pieces of it still hang around.  Until the later part of the 20th Century it was believed that “babies were blank slates on which parents wrote all their mistakes,” says Bennett.  Personalities --  good or bad -- were based on how their parents raised them not on who each individual child was.  In the 1950s two researchers psychiatrists Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas began studying a group of 100 infants through adulthood and with the conclusion of their study in1986 determined what we as parents already know, that infants are born with a personality.

Until Laraine started researching and writing this book, “I thought my husband was just like me but bad,” she says, laughing.  “I thought my husband was being willfully annoying when he put the dishes away and I couldn’t find where he put anything.  Then I realized that organizational inability was part of his temperament.”

Here’s the fun part, figuring out which temperament you and your friends have. 

First of all, know that temperament is different from personality.  Personality is the big umbrella under which you’ll find intelligence, culture, origin, education, AND temperament.  Temperament is the way we’re hard wired.  You can see temperament easily in an infant.  Some react very quickly, intensely, some react slowly, some have sustained reactions, some are naturally extroverted and others introverted. 

Here goes.  Which one, or which combination of these are you?  Choleric and Phlegmatic are opposites, so you wouldn’t be a combination of those two.  Sanguine and Melancholic another group of opposites, again, wouldn’t be combined.  

Choleric: “The Choleric is the original ‘Type A,’” says Bennett, who readily admits, this is her temperament.  Natural born leaders, Cholerics are quick to have internal and external reactions.  The Choleric is decisive, driven, tenacious, energetic and confident.  They love to be in charge even if they know nothing about the particular subject they are leading.  They are dynamic, self motivated, strong willed, stubborn, demanding, argumentative and will often be accused of rolling over people.  “You’ll know you’re a Choleric if this description doesn’t bother you,” says Bennett, laughing – not only at herself but other Cholerics who likely get the joke.   “You’ll know you have a Choleric child if they are constantly debating with you, arguing.  They like to run everything … they don’t like to look at the order chart, parents up here,” Bennett says holding up her hand, “and children down here.”

It’s hard for the Choleric to learn docility and empathy, though it can be taught.  “Cholerics really do need to have things to be in charge of,” says Bennett, “so consider finding things to give them.  And consider this, as well: While a 2 year old Choleric may be annoying and difficult, a teen Choleric will likely be the one to stand up to peer pressure, the one to run for class president.”

The opposite of the Choleric is the Phlegmatic

Phlegmatic:  The Phlegmatic has a lot of empathy, a heightened level of understanding.  They are easy going, calm, and unlike the choleric do not have intense reactions.  Phlegmatics are even keeled even in the middle of a conflict and because of this they make great fire fighters, diplomats and poker players.  Phlegmatics would rather take the blame than cause conflict.  They are natural peacemakers. 

Phlegmatics would rather relax than be active and prefer to take direction than lead.  They are easy to please and have slower reaction times than Cholerics.  “It’s not that they don’t have ideas or thoughts it’s just that they are slower,” says Bennett who, by way of example, told a story about her Phlegmatic husband.  “By the time he reacted to a movie we saw, by the time he was ready to discuss it, 12 to 20 hours after seeing it, the ship had sailed,” says Bennett, her interest in the subject long gone.  She had already talked non-stop about the movie for five to ten minutes immediately after it ended.  Because Phlegmatics prefer to let others take the lead, parents can be tempted to take the lead for these children.  Not a good strategy, suggests Bennett who says Phlegmatics “need to be encouraged because the Phlegmatic CAN be the person who learns to be a leader.  Since they usually have no enemies (everyone likes them, after all they are so obedient), they make great leaders but need a lot of encouragement to lead.”  Often Phlegmatics get “lost in the shuffle because they are so easy going they get overlooked.  They really do need positive attention and they don’t tend to ask for it.”  Phlegmatics need to learn boldness and authenticity since so often they’d rather just fit in.

Just as the Phlegmatic and Choleric are opposites, the two following temperaments, Sanguine and Melancholic, are also opposites. 

Sanguine: A person with a Sanguine temperament is usually called the “life of the party.”  They are energetic, funny and live in the present.  Interested in the world around them, the Sanguine person often arrives late, forgets his/her car keys and never stop talking.  “They don’t need to have anything in particular to say,” says Bennett, “yet they never stop talking.”  A Sanguine person is sociable, spontaneous and scattered and likes to have lots of friends.  Quantity is more important in this arena than quality.  “They are like butterflies that flit from one flower to another,” says Bennett.  “In school they will likely join lots of clubs, but forget to go to meetings.  They think they can charm their way into everything.”  Sanguines can also be overly optimistic.  Bennett’s son is a perfect example.  His optimism swells.  A common remark from him would go something like this: “I got 100% on my English test … except for the two I missed.”  Key for the Sanguine are his/her emotional needs, having friends and fun.  It’s important, therefore, for a parent of a Sanguine to help them follow through with concepts and ideas and choose good friends.  Sanguines are so curious that they are easily distracted and have to be taught how to make wise decisions since they are very impulsive and will dive right in.

A Sanguine’s opposite is the Melancholic.

Melancholic:  The Melancholic reacts slowly and never forgets.  A Melancholic’s initial reaction may not be obvious to an outsider, s/he may seem unphased, but his/her reaction will become stronger and stronger as it grows in his/her mind.  Then, once the reaction registers it becomes very intense. Melancholics are pessimists, serious, perfectionists.  They are slow to make friends because they are picky.  One good friend is considered enough.  Typically, a Melancholic is slow to start a project because s/he is so focused on it that s/he becomes overwhelmed, stymied from even starting it.  But once a Melancholic starts a project s/he will pursue it with great intensity and to the end.  Dramatic, the Melancholic tends on the negative side, listens more than s/he talks, won’t exhibit reactions but will never forget.  The Melancholic’s gift is his/her attention to detail.  Melancholics actually read the fine print.  Their key emotional need is time alone to recharge their batteries.  They love to read and are often very artistic.  The virtues they might need to work on are charity and confidence.  In addition, they may need help getting over stumbling blocks and initiating things like social events, auditioning for school plays, or applying for a job.

Understanding a spouse, a child’s or a friend's temperament can actually help us get along with them.  For example, an argumentative child, as long as s/he is not rude, shouldn’t be punished for being what s/he is: Choleric. Cholerics just like to argue.  A Sanguine may never shut up, but that’s because they love to talk, not because they are trying to be annoying;  Melancholics are more reserved and really prefer not to talk much at all. 

“Once you get rid of the ‘they are not doing this to me on purpose’ attitude, then it really takes away a lot of the anger, takes away the judgment,” says Bennett.  “It helps to know there are different ways to react to the world.”

The Bennett’s second book is called The Temperament God Gave your Spouse.