A recent report published by Pew Research Center found that 51% of adults in the U.S. are married, the lowest on record. According to the research analysis, "the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by 5% between 2009 and 2010, a sharp one-year drop that may or may not be related to the sour economy." Increased acceptance of lifestyle choices (single parenting and co-habitation without marriage) were also mentioned as possible reasons.
Here are other interesting facts:
- the median age for marriage for brides (26.5) and grooms (28.7) has never been higher
- the most dramatic decline are among young adults
- nearly 4 in 10 Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete
What I've noticed in my therapy practice, located in Marin County, California (a smidge north of San Francisco) is a desire for marriage but singles struggling to find the right partner. I've also observed that expectations of marriage have risen including a high priority on emotional and intimate fulfillment - a great thing! Couples prioritize their emotional connections more now than ever (though they may not always realize it on the surface). This relatively newer expectation allows for the possibility of a secure relationship on the deepest level. Also, seeking "just the right fit" is a nice goal to have when choosing a spouse but reaching for perfection in another is a set-up for disappointment. I'm concerned that some people are waiting for an unrealistic, "Mr. or Mrs. Right" which inherently doesn't allow for us to be human - and imperfect.
In my work with couples, I've observed the intensity at which people strive (functionally or not) to be secure with each other. It will be interesting to see how the marriage downturn plays out down the line. Whatever the fate of marriage, what won't change is our basic need to attach and find shelter in intimate partnerships, whatever you want to call the relationship.
I still very much believe in marriage being happily married for almost 9 years. I am passionate about the work I do in connecting or reconnecting couples, married or not.
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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT works with individuals and couples in Larkspur, Marin County, CA. Learn more about her therapy practice at http://www.MarinTherapyandCounseling.com.
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