Dear fellow students and future government dependents. It is my honor and duty to impart some words of wisdom from myself and the President. We are so proud of all of you now that you have graduated with your high school diploma in Democratic studies. As you venture out into your Common Core initiated and recommended career choices always remember this. You didn’t build your futures, we did.
All you have to remember in life is to always feel guilty for any successes you might achieve and never turn down a helping hand from your loyal and loving government. We are here to help you. We are here to guide you throughout your entire life to the day you part the earth and go to the collective city in the sky.
Some of you will benefit from the hard work of the person sitting right next to you. So of you will be taking care of the person sitting right next to you. It is ok not to succeed. Striving to be your best is so 2007. Not everyone can be a provider some need to be receivers.
You see, Barack and I have always felt that welfare was put in place to replace jobs. Welfare was never supposed to be a temporary thing. Why would it be when you have all these strong, able bodied men and women who can and will work hard so that others don’t have to?
Remember kids, Capitalism is an evil rich man’s game. The rich didn’t get that way through hard work and dedication; oh no they got that way by exploiting and victimizing poor Black and Hispanic minorities. The rich don’t care about you, (even though they supply all of your jobs). They don’t deserve to keep their businesses or their profits.
So make sure when you go to work for one of these evil job creators that you use all of the skills you learned from kindergarten till now. Make sure you create a false injustice at work. Make sure you show up late and leave early. Make sure you find a way to eventually be fired. When that day comes you immediately use the race card that we gave you and use it to right the injustice. Contact the ACLU or Southern Poverty Law Center and tell them you were fired, not because of your lack of work ethic but instead because you were a victim. You were oppressed. You were not allowed to sleep at work or take your 2 hour mandated Union Breaks.
You see, the race card is your most powerful weapon. Use it often and use it wisely. The race card is how Barack and I became President. You see, we learned along time ago that victimization and claims of false oppression are the keys to getting ahead in America. We knew that our lackeys in the media would cover for us by calling out anyone who didn’t support or vote for us as racists. This is how we were able to paralyze White America with guilt and get them to help us fundamentally transform her in the process.
America is not a shining city on a hill. America is the land of injustice and greed. America is not the land of opportunity. America is the land of share responsibility. That is why we need you to talk to your parents and tell them they are wrong for creating wealth and prosperity. Tell them to sacrifice their futures and well being for the betterment of us all. And it is time for all of you to not fear government and instead embrace it. The only thing you have to lose is your freedom?
So please, grow up students and sign up for Obamacare. We need your healthy bodies to pay premiums so we can give illegal aliens free healthcare as an “act of love”.
Then once we guilt all the Washington Republicans into passing Amnesty by calling them anti-Hispanic racists our mission will be complete and so will Barack and I's dream of destroying the greatest, most freest nation on earth.
And just think students you will be able to look back proudly knowing that you had a part in all of this! So, to all my new worker bees go out there, work hard for your government, and accept our helping handouts!
May Government bless you, and Government Bless America!