“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production..." journalist and author Hunter S. Thompson wrote these words and for some this it is their reality. For whatever reason they are unable to concieve children naturally. The important thing is how do they handle this? Some people choose to look at it and say, "...well I guess this is God's way of telling me I don't need a family...", but for others infertility be it from disformed sperm, hydrosalpinges or impotenceit serves as nothing more than a speedbump for those who are determined to have a family of their own. For those who choose not to go the way of IVF (in vetro fertilization) or artificial insemination due to the cost or the health risks there are other options. You can go the way of Nicholas Cage in "Raising Arizona" and kidnap the child of parents with multiples, but then you'd have to deal with a crazed motorcycle riding bounty hunter. For those who'd rather not end up under a Harley or in Huntsville there's always adoption. Now let's get one thing understood, we are no longer living in the days of little orphan Annie. There's no house filled kids waiting for "Daddy Warbucks" to walk through and pick out the child he would like to grace his home. For those parents who do not have the thousands of dollars necessary for a private adoption,parents are now selected after taking classes in discipline, medications, CPR and First Aid and a FBI background check. The house must also be inspected for health and fire hazards. The best thing about the arduous certification process is that once a child is placed in your home there can be no more unwanted overnight visitors without a state and FBI background check. That'll take the pressure off of would be hosts, "...uhhh, this is bad weekend, the FBI says you can't stay." Who's going to argue with the FBI? This excuse can only be used until the adoption is finalized. After the classes, background checks and in-home interviews, your fate is still left in hands of a selection board. If all goes well, you'll come out of the process smelling like roses, that is unless you've adopted an infant in which case you'll come out smelling like Infamil, baby powder and poop, but that's better than sitting in jail cell smelling like motorcycle exhaust.
January 2, 2010