We have all read the dark, scary, frightening headlines of a disturbed, angry, overbearing and jealous Oscar Pitorious and his quite dead girlfriend Reeva who he admits to shooting quite graphically and quite by accident. Although accident is of course the key word here. Did he really believe she was an intruder? Or was there something else there, something deeper, darker, even scarier than anyone dares to think about? Was this a jealous rage over her whearabouts and her phone? Could it all have been settled with a little more communication, a little domineering, and a little bit of cooperation he so obviously desired?
Now let's get one thing straight. I don't agree with any of the actions that he took that night. I just wonder, could this have been stopped if the roles in the relationship had been a bit reveresed. The way the relationship is portrayed, Reeva made all the decisions, handled everything for Oscar, in a way, demasculated him. Oh she knew how to bring him fame and power but at what cost? Herlife obviously. What if the roles had been reversed?
Ownership and control
How different would the situation have been between Reeva and Oscar had he felt he had the ownership and control he obviously wanted over her?
If he had those rights, then instead of sitting and hampering himself with anger, perhaps he could've insisted on seeing her phone and used that opportunity to quiet his fears. Or put her under a tight rein for a few weeks, monitor her movements and whereabouts and used that to put his mind at rest.
The action taken is irrelevant… the control and ownership in the relationship would give him a different way to approach the situation, different rights, and instead of feeling powerless and stuck he could've taken an action that made a difference.
At some point, we've all been there, feeling low, broken, defenseless and vulnerable so that it seems as though there aren't other alternatives and options… and in this place we make extreme decisions to take a life, either ours or someone else's.
Oscar and Reeva aren't alone… worldwide, millions of women are in relationships with controlling, domineering men, many of whom have Oscar's famed short fuse and anger management issues.Yes, we're meant to have blocks and filters in place that prevent us going to extremes, but you can not tell me that there are not times that you can remember feeling like you were falling into a big, dark hole that you could not climb out of? Feeling like your choices were very small because you needed reloief right then and there and you needed something or someone to stop the hurting and the pain right then and there?
Being okay with who you are and what turns you on
The biggest distinction between bedroom coaching and personal or business coaching is that intimate coaching is all about permission – giving people the permission they need to embrace what turns them on, as long as that does not cause harm to another or take away their free will.
Your intimate relationships, what they bring into your life and how they take care of your needs are something only you can truly know. Likewise feeling fulfilled will only happen when you make choices that give you that full and complete feeling inside yourself.
You can read all the books in the world and listen to every relationship expert out there, but at the end of the day you have to sleep with yourself and quiet the demons and voices inside your head.
Only by taking the time to discover who you are, what you really want, and implementing those actions in your life, will you be able to open to a world of fulfillment and happiness.
And happy, secure, positive people don't feel the need to murder anyone else.