At 42 I look back on my past behaviors as it relates to dating and shake my head. There’s no cute way to put it, I was definitely a jerk. I shudder at the conversations I left in my wake. This all came back to my remembrance after a recent conversation with three women in an eye glass store.
One of the three women was my wife Cherese. We’d wandered into the store just looking for some cool frames and such. As we stood at the counter discussing prices, in walks a guy with shades on. He’s actually significant in this context because we obviously missed our cue to be impressed as he whipped off his glasses in Hollywood fashion. He stood there for a second in the door way, as if to say, “I’m here!” Right out of the gate I’m sure ladies are reading this and can imagine some guy in their past. You remember, He’s the one who knows you should feel privileged he’s even directing his attention your way.
So he comes over to the counter in front of the first young lady, takes a seat and boldly asks “I’m sure you remember me right?” To which she responded, “Should I?” This always crushes guy’s feelings. Here’s when I leaned over to my wife and kind of laughed. She knew exactly what was going on.
For the next 10 minutes we listened and laughed as he made every feeble attempt to put the moves on this poor lady. He even mentioned the fact that she should really remember him because of his striking height and features. I still don’t know how I managed to keep my lunch down.
When he finally left, feeling a bit deflated, I was privy to a high level top secret conversation between women. I mean, some classified stuff. I immediately mentioned my new relationship book, “The Modern Princess,” which outlines three princesses with serious men issues. I asked if they’d break down both what he did wrong and what was going through their heads. As it turns out, his epic fail serves as a great object lesson in the ever confusing interactions of men and women.
1. He walked in but they never met “him”: So I’m learning more and more how important authenticity is to ladies. If you’re looking for more than a flashy line and a few one night stands, those cheesy lines are the pits. It took me well into my twenties to value and appreciate my true self. Ladies, when a man refuses to show you who he really is, he’s obviously hiding something.
2. He assumed she not only remembered him, but somehow was also impressed: Big mistake! A guy that seeks to superficially impress will have issues with long term relationships. I can relate because that was me. Once the shine or newness of the relationship wore off, so did my attention. Impressing is for boys. Men seek to connect on a much deeper level. And please remember ladies, if he has to tell you he’s a ‘boss’, he’s NOT!
3. He tried to connect with her through material things: As she struggled through his advances to make an eye exam appointment, he politely dropped the fact that he drove a luxury car; it wouldn’t be an issue with day appointments because he was the “boss.” He even managed to work in that he lived in an affluent area of the city. When will we learn that a real women isn’t a gold digger, she’s a goal digger? So what we have doesn’t move their hearts anymore.
At the end of it all, we parted ways with them looking up my website to order a couple of books and us with a much welcomed laugh. But at the core, all of life is teaching a lesson. In a few moments I was able to look back at my own development and look forward to the cause in which I hope to spread through “Tiara Talk.” I want to cultivate a conversation about relationships, love and all the other B.S. so dating will be safe for my granddaughter.