What Elin Nordegren can teach other women about dealing with infidelity

 The way Elin Nordegren dealt with Tiger Woods’ multiple affairs is commendable. There are 17 things other betrayed wives can learn from Elin about coping with and surviving an extramarital affair.

1. Don’t be too hard on yourself because you didn’t know.
Elin said she was shocked, and felt embarrassed, stupid, betrayed by others around her, because she never suspected Tiger of cheating, and was completely blindsided by his affairs. However, the reality is that even in this day and age, the wife is STILL the last to know. See Why Elin Nordegren Was the Last to Know about Tiger Woods’ Affairs and What a Betrayed wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know.

2. Before taking action, get the facts.
When infidelity rumors surface, don’t believe everything you hear about the affair. Most of it will be hearsay, idle gossip, or just plain lies. Before making any life-changing decisions, separate truth from rumors, fiction from fact. In December 2009, Elin hired a private investigator to look into the situation. See When to Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate

3. Conduct yourself in a dignified manner.
No matter how much you may be hurting inside, ranting and raving, name-calling, cursing, belittling your husband in front of others (especially, the children), vengeful, vindictive acts are not the way to go. Behavior of this kind doesn’t solve the problem, and only make you look bad. In her interview with People magazine, Elin could have ripped Tiger apart for his multiple affairs. Instead, Elin wished him well, and said she felt privileged to have witnessed part of Tiger’s golfing career. See Do’s and Don’ts If He’s Cheating on You.

4. Don’t lower yourself to the cheater’s level by trying to retaliate in kind.
To teach Tiger a lesson Elin (beautiful and sexy), could have retaliated by having an affair of her own. She chose not to go that route. But some betrayed wives try to to strike back at a cheating husband with revenge cheating or retaliatory affairs. These things rarely work. See Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work When Trying to Get Even with a Cheating Mate.

5. Don’t bare your soul to everyone who wants to hear.
You may not want to maintain a 9-month silence like Elin Nordegren did, but there’s no need to discuss your husband’s infidelity with everyone you know. What you say could come back to haunt you one day. Be cautious about who you confide in, or what you say. See Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You. Elin was very selective about when, and with whom she chose to speak out. See Elin Nordegren Finally Speaks Out – as I Predicted She Would – Here’s What She Has to Say and Highlights from Elin Nordegren’s People Magazine Interview

6. Don’t blame, or focus the mistress.
The mistress may be a contributing factor to your husband’s infidelity, but it’s not her fault that your husband had the affair, so don’t take it out on her. Don’t waste your time obsessing over the Other Woman. For the safety and well-being of yourself and your children, you may need to find out certain things about her. But don’t let an obsession with your husband’s mistress take over your life. See What You Need to Know About your Husband’s Mistress and Why.

7. Always put the children first.
When children are involved in a marriage struck by infidelity, it’s important to put their needs first. Infidelity is just as traumatic for children as it is for adults, even when they’re too young to fully understand what’s going on. Elin did her best to make sure Tiger always had access to his children.

8. Put some legal and financial safeguards in place.
Elin hired an attorney and a private investigator last December, shortly after the news surfaced about Tiger’s multiple affairs. Early on, Elin prepared herself for the possibility of a divorce. When the time came, her homework was already done.  See Elin Nordegren Proves to Be a Formidable Foe in the Tiger Woods Divorce

9. Protect yourself sexually.
If your husband has engages in unprotected sex with his mistress, as Tiger Woods reportedly did, use condoms, as a precaution if you continue having sex with him. Or abstain from sex until you’ve both been tested for HIV and other STDs, and the situation has been resolved. Elin and Tiger did not sleep together (according to media reports when Elin briefly moved back into their marital home. See Elin Moves Back Home with Tiger - 12 Mistakes They Should Avoid Making While Rebuilding Their Marriage.

10. Rally supportive family members and friends around you.
Elin had the support of her twin sister Josefin, her mother, and many close friends to help her get through this ordeal.

11. Focus on something other than his betrayal.
Elin said having her children around was a blessing. Reading, doing things with them, caring for them helped her to cope. Concentrating on her studies also kept Elin’s mind occupied. (She’s studying for her Psychology degree).

12. Keep busy with physical activity of some kind.
Elin found it therapeutic to ride her bicycle, or go for long runs. She’s also training to compete in a triathlon.

13. Leave the door open for reconciliation.
Elin made sex addiction treatment for Tiger, a condition of reconciliation. There were also other ground rules that she set. Even though things didn’t work out in the end, at least she gave it a chance. See Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide and When to Give Cheater a Second Chance.

14. If reconciliation isn’t working, cut your losses and move on.
It serves no purpose to stay in a relationship that’s not working for both parties involved. Give reconciliation a fair chance. But if you see that things are not working out, cut your losses and move on. In her People magazine interview Elin says that after several months of trying to reconcile, she realized that a marriage without trust and love is no good for anyone.

15. Look to the future instead of dwelling on the past.
Elin has several things to look forward to in the future: competing in a triathlon, receiving her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, being on her own for the first time in her life, purchasing her own home, and getting the children adjusted to their new situation.

16. Give yourself ample time to heal.
Infidelity leaves deep wounds. Give yourself time to heal. Don’t be so quick to rush back into the dating scene. In her People magazine interview, Elin says it will be just her and the children for a while, and she’s OK with that.

17. Don’t give up on love.
If things don’t work out, don’t blame yourself and don’t give up on love. See Are Wives to Blame when Husbands Cheat? Elin says she still believes in love because she’s been there, she’s seen it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again when the time is right. You never know what the future may hold.

_______________________________________________________________

*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com  

For more about dealing with infidelity, or about Elin Nordegren, see the 2 lists of articles and free tip sheets below:

ARTICLES ON DEALING WITH INFIDELITY:

What a Betrayed Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know
How to Catch a Cheating Husband
Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)
Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs (soft cover book)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)
Infidelity Resources to Help you Catch a Cheating Mate
When to Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate
Do’s and Don’ts If He’s Cheating on You
5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)
Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You
Will He Leave You for Her?
What you Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why
Should You Take a Cheater Back? – How to Decide
When to Give Cheater a Second Chance
Go or Stay? – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)
Rebuilding Your Marriage After He's Cheated on You - 12 Mistakes to Avoid
Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even With a Cheating Mate
How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand (free tip sheet)
How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate (free tip sheet)
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports

ARTICLES ABOUT ELIN NORDEGREN:

Why Elin Nordegren was the Last to Know about Tiger Woods’ Affairs

Highlights from Elin Nordegren’s People Magazine Interview

Who is Elin Nordegren, other than Tiger Woods Ex-Wife? Elin Wants the World to Know

Elin Nordegren Finally Speaks Out – as I Predicted She Would – Here’s What She Has to Say

Elin Nordegren Proves to Be a Formidable Foe in the Tiger Woods Divorce

Why is Elin Nordegren Refusing to Sign Tiger Woods Lifetime Confidentiality Clause?

What Elin Nordegren Will Get in Her Divorce Settlement from Tiger Woods – The Inside Scoop

The Official Tiger Woods - Elin Nordegren Divorce - 5 Things People Still Want to Know