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What do you want out of a relationship?

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I get so many questions from clients on a day to day basis about their relationships and what they expect from the men they date. However, the first and most important thing I advise my clients is to get really clear on what it is they want out of a relationship (with said partner).

Is it a lifetime commitment of love and loyalty (ie: exclusivity followed by love and marriage)? Is it a fun time together when both partners have the inclination to go out? Is it a sexual relationship with very little strings attached? Is it ALL three?!

Yes, sometimes women want all three! And that is just not going to happen. You must get clear on what you really, really, and I mean really want. That makes dating and your love life much easier, more relaxed and for many--goal oriented. When you know what you want, you can plan ways to get it. You can see clearly when someone (a man) does not want the same things as you, and you can move on quickly to someone else who does!

When you don't know what you want, you get stuck with partners who after three, four months, even six years down the line, don't want the same things as you do. You waste a lot of time, energy, resources, basically you waste your life on someone who will never want the same things as you do, at least they won't want it with YOU. It's nothing personal. It's how the world works. One man may want to marry you and know you are the one from the very beginning, another man may just want to go out on a few fun dinner dates with you and the buck ends there. Meaning you were never going to be the one for him, no matter how many dates you went on, no many how many times you slept together, no matter how beautiful or sexy you are. It's just not going to happen!

That's why I always advise my clients to get clear on what they want out of a relationship, whether it's casual dating or marriage, and to move on from men who show them through words and most importantly through their actions that they do not want the same things. This can be as subtle as a man asking you out every other other week or for weekday lunches and dinners instead of for Saturday night, or it can be as clear as a man telling you he is not looking for anything serious at the moment. Listen! You must listen. You cannot and will not change a man's intentions towards you no matter how wonderful, kind, loving or pretty you are. It just ain't gonna happen!

When you get clear on what you want, you naturally attract partners who want the same thing. All the other scumbags, sleazebags, jerks or moonpies (men who can't seem to ask you out for a real date) won't seem to bother you all that much anymore! You aren't attracted to them. If you do happen to go out on a date with them once or twice, you end it right then and there when you realize their "goals" to put it mildly, are different than yours.

Remember, you don't have to say anything to a man on the first few dates about what it is you want out of a relationship. Keep it light. Observe his character. Let him get to know you slowly. Watch his actions and his words. Do they line up? Is he shady? Does he cancel on you last minute, or fail to follow through on making plans with you? Then maybe he's not the one for you.

Do yourself a favor and move on quickly! Mr. Right might be waiting right around the corner for you. You don't want to miss him. Time wasted on a wrong man, keeps you from being open to meeting the right man. Free yourself from any drama, and keep the line open for true contenders! You'll be happy you did, trust me!

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