You notice a friend has been a little distant lately. You ask if everything is okay and they tell you that everything is great. A few weeks later you notice that your friend is still acting a little different from usual but you’ve already asked and they’ve told you that everything is great. What do you do when you know that something is up with a friend but they won’t tell you?
Friendship comes when we've invested time and energy into one another and when we do; we learn the characteristics and behaviors of our friends. When you know your friends, you know the exact moment that the dynamics of your friendship has changed. Sometimes although friends won’t be up front about something that maybe you've done to offend them, you can’t do anything about it until they tell you. Continuously asking a friend can get old fast and eventually seems immature. These are the times when you learn the maturity level of your friendship.
Let’s say that a friend of your friend tells them that they've heard that you said something about them but instead of coming to you your friend decides to go with what the other friend has said and chooses to be indifferent toward you instead. You have a feeling that something isn't right because although your friend isn't exactly saying what is wrong you notice that their tone and the words they choose towards you suggests that someone else is involved.
Mature friendships comes when you both are able to go to one another about issues. Your friend should immediately come to you when they have concerns about something someone else has said that you've said if it’s that serious; but your friend should also know you well enough to know if what was said sounds like something you would say or not. The real fact of the matter outside of why the other friend would tell your friend something that they knew would hurt them; your friend should question what the other friend’s motive was to begin with.
Either way, if a friend won’t tell you what you've done wrong and chooses to treat you different you must realize that person is not your friend at all. Friendship, no matter the length of time involves a certain level of honesty and maturity or they will not remain intact. If your friend has an issue with you and won’t talk to you about it, the only thing you can do, is you.
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Save the date: Saturday, February 8, 2014. The Marygrove College Women’s Center in, The SASHA Center and The Black Women’s Blueprint of Brooklyn, New York have joined together to present a live streaming performance: MOTHER TONGUE: Monologues for Truth Bearing Women, Emerging Sons & Other Keepers of the Flame! This event is free and open to all students, faculty and staff on campus as well as all members of our community!!!! To pre-register call the SASHA Center at 888-865-7055.