If you could name your top 3 needs in a romantic relationship, what would be your top 3 needs/ wants in your relationship? Is this a question you have ever asked yourself?
It is not a question to be afraid to ask yourself. When I was younger, I never asked myself what do I need or want in a relationship. By not asking myself that very question, I ended up in poor relationships, disappointing relationships, relationships that I could only describe as regrets.
Fortunately there is always an opportunity to make your relationship better. I decided to ask myself that question and I urge you to do the same.
Here is my top list:
1. Be respected.
2. Be needed.
3. Be fulfilled.
You might wonder where is the word love, but it's all there. I am a firm believer you cannot truly love someone if you do not respect the person you share your emotions and body at any given time. More importantly, if you cannot respect yourself, you cannot show someone how to respect you. Respect doesn't come from being nurturing or putting someone else before you. It comes from not being afraid to express your needs. It comes from saying exactly how you feel without putting your partner on the defense.
Respect was missing in my life and it was the main reason I could never say I had a deep connection with my regrets. There was always a lack of respect from each partner. Now when I date, I ask myself immediately whether a man respects me. I also ask myself whether I respect the man. I know when I respect a man, I truly care for him and I check how he feels about me by how much he respects me.
My number two -need. It feels amazing to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, it is the core of my womanhood. When needed, I know a man will show I am valuable to him. I don't think a woman or a man should waste time on someone who doesn't make him or her a priority. Someone who cares about you will never make you feel like last place or bump time to spend with you. It is human nature to feel needed. There is no shame to feel needed.
Lastly, fulfilling is on my list because it is important you feel like you can meet the needs and wants of your partner and you should feel your partner can meet your needs. Don't get me wrong, self-accountability is important, but you need to love someone who will allow you to love to the fullest.
If you believe you can change someone, you can't. People choose whether to change or not to change. If you cannot accept someone for his/her flaws and all, you don't love the person and the person doesn't love you. Don't fool yourself.
You should ask yourself how satisfied are you about your romantic relationship. It is important to ask yourself to prevent yourself from being miserable in the long run.
More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Out of the 50% that stay together, only half of those couples are within satisfying marriages. The average marriage lasts about 7 years.
Reading those facts should inspire you to bring out your best and never settle for things being different tomorrow. We only have today so make that today be the best day you can make it.
Make your list today and be pro-active about how you can have those needs met in your relationship. Good luck!