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Westboro Baptist Church responds to Adam Hills, confirms theological idiocy

I'll be watching..
Photo by Henry S. Dziekan III/Getty Images

Everyone's least favorite organized hate group, the Westboro Baptist Church, has once again stuck its festering wart-infected finger into the public eye, following the tragic death of Robin Williams. Known for their inexplicably poor handling of every matter into which they force their unwelcome presence, the WBC is planning to show up and disrupt the funeral of the much beloved celebrity, citing his ungodly behavior. Fortunately, everyone outside the inbred confines of this twisted cult understands them for the evil they represent. One particular clear thinker, Australian comedian Adam Hills, has had enough.

According to a Times of Israel report, the threat of the WBC spreading their putrid brand of bigotry at yet another funeral, of yet another innocent, with whom they had not a shred of personal contact, prompted Hills to volunteer to fly them to Iraq. His offer stood to allow the WBC to focus their significant, though misguided rage where the Christian way of life is in actual danger. Invited to combat ISIS, a horde of mindless fanatics that has twisted its faith even worse than they have, the WBC, at least verbally accepted the offer.

Upon reflection, and with the encouragement of U.S. officials who likely don't object to the thought of Westboro Baptist blood staining the tawny soil of an Iraqi desert, but would rather not have it on their hands, Hills revoked the deal. Mindful that any money invested in the hateful WBC cause is fundamentally misguided, even if it would likely contribute to their extermination, Hills had an epiphany. He has pledged the committed funds, plus donations which have flooded in, to a children's charity in Robin Williams' name.

Disappointed the money went to children rather than toward the international spread of unsubstantiated bigorty, daughter of the WBC founder, who is every cubic-inch the spiteful loon that he ever was, vows to carry on their injudicious work here at home. Every venomous word she expectorates is a blight upon those who unwittingly endure them, thus will not be reprinted here. Needless to say, the WBC is committed to parading its flock of tick-brained simpletons, and--sigh--their woe-begotten children at the funerals of fallen heroes, and everywhere their presence is wholly unwelcome.

Meanwhile, the clear-thinking world may take solace in the knowledge that Robin Williams is now standing on the right side of the afterlife, laughing with unbridled mirth at every deceased member of the WBC who isn't allowed through the gate.