Weird and disturbing questions children ask

 

It’s a beautiful summer day; the sun kisses our cheeks, the skies are blue and dappled with little puffy clouds, the birds are twittering, the squirrels are happily playing across the lawn, and there is a soft breeze to make sure we don’t get too hot. Nothing can ruin this perfect day.

“Mom, who is Satan?” My daughter asks.
Oy. Wait. What?!
Ahem. “Different name for the devil,” I mutter.
“I don’t know who that is either,” she answers immediately.

Great. Wonderful. In fact, it’s the most bloody fantastic question I’ve ever heard her ask, and I am absolutely, positively, at a loss for words. Coward that I am, I say nothing. How on earth do you explain this in a few easy sentences to a seven-year-old? I can think of nothing to say that won’t keep her awake for the next three months. Especially since my own understanding of the devil lies somewhere between Dante Alighieri and eighties’ slasher movies.

Apparently she’s not too concerned because she barely notices I haven’t answered the question. She runs off to go do something vaguely dangerous with a stick, and I am left gasping. Children do that; they drop a bomb, and while you’re trying to normalize your heartbeat, they run off to play, their minds already on something completely different.

This time, I take advantage of her disjointed way of thinking, and leave the matter to rest and simmer. Of course, the next day I am still thinking about it. Honestly, “Who is Satan”?

I decide that if this question comes up again, I want to be ready, and so I think of some options.

1. Lie. Tell her the devil was invented in Hollywood for the sole purpose of scaring little kids, like the Terminator. Blame Tim Burton.

2. Give her the long and boring answer; explain literary and biblical origins of evil incarnate.

3. Explain to her that, just as people feel the need to personify all that is good and pure in a God, they feel the need to believe in its counterpart. The problem I have with that is that although the God adage has grown and changed over the years (God can be a woman!) the devil as a symbol has sort of stood still over the years. In fact, he’s positively medieval. Horns, tail, black throne, you get the picture. I don’t really want her to think there is some overgrown and mutated goat somewhere who has any influence whatsoever over her life.

4. Leave it to her religious school teachers to explain this one. Cop-out? Maybe.

Call me lazy all you want; I like that last option. Teaching my kids about the devil has never been exactly on my to-do list (7am: wake up; 7:30 am: have breakfast; 8 am: tell kids about devil; 9:45 am: do grocery shopping).

I’m thinking parents should have a few free passes in life; an opt-out card if you will. A chance to leave things be, and not feel the need to always have an answer ready. That’s exactly what I’m going to do: I’m giving myself a free pass.

For more on the weird and unexpected questions kids ask: Curious Questions, strange cosmos, or Q&A for kids