Most people long for a relationship that is true in nature and vital to the soul, one that when tenderness and sexual passion converge, we fall in bliss. In this steamy climate the purpose is to learn how to let go of all kinds of expectations. Although we always take more, we don’t know what it’s for.
The perfect fulfillment of every desire. No instruction book is needed if all the pieces of love are as they should be, right? “I can’t live without you, you are my everything passion for each other.” So you dive in head first swallowing sweet love’s destiny water and all, all the way down till you hit bottom of the pool. Now what?
You get bored, the grass looks greener, your needs aren’t being fulfilled
You think? Done with adolescence before you are done with adolescent love. Over estimation, over idealization, immaturity in love relationships, it is a common archetype. The tensions and conflicts of married life take over after the romantic expectations wear off. The majority of unhealthy relationships in marriage are due to the fact that both parties are still immature in what they realistically thought marriage was really all about . Add hoc, looking over the neighbor’s fence and running to get involved with what lies there beyond and you have recipe for disaster, adolescent choice.
We hate the domestic dream of marriage for destroying our dream of romantic love
Much like a child looked at being an adult as the perfect state of being, “I can’t wait till I can do whatever I want all of the time.” Of course the child grows up and is sadly mistaken about what adult life is really like with all those demands and obligations. Romantic love is viewed in the exact same way, a host of expectations that can be disappointing.
The most romantic of all dreams and the most emotional of all life, has to be fused into an ordinary working relationship. Sound boring, it’s really not. You adjust, you adapt, you learn to make compromises, and yes you can’t have love without hate at times. These are the things in which adult love are made of. No running away, no leaning on the backyard fence, “You are who you are and I am who I am, and together we share and grow in life.”
Fantasy sex still exists with moments of remarkability
Now it involves a mutually mature adult passion, testimony and sublime moments. Overtime the adjustments, compromises, the power plays and idiosyncrasies, you can now see the hate really is a form of love, and it has all been worked out. It’s not the roller coaster ride of adolescent love any more. Now it is the teacup ride, smoother, deeper, now on a more even keel, but now the two of you hold hands in the center of the cup, sitting across from one another as you go through life together. On the roller coaster ride of adolescent love, you may have very well sat side-by-side, and oh the ride was too exciting, but there was always the chance that one of you would eventually fly off out of the ride and never come back.
Your early lessons in love and developmental history shape the expectations you bring to marriage
You can be very unaware of disappointed hopes and unconscious longings and unfinished childhood business you bring. You are also unaware that between the two of you is a “healing ground,” a pool if you will, a veritable wash and rinse cycler filled with love to wring out your unmentionables with each other. Where the husband and wife dovetail passionate bonds taking turns nurturing and being nurtured, and nurturing others now in the process. You may now make use of your partner to contain and experience some aspect of him or himself. Just for an example, a woman or a man who has let go of their own ambitious or competitive goals make look for such things in their partner which can be constructive in a healthy relationship.
Love forever- hate never dreams, let them go. Marriage is a highly imperfect perfection of the heart and soul.
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