Remember “We Can’t Be Friends” by R.L. and Deborah Cox? That was my joint in 1999. That song right dere hit home with a lot of other people too. To this day I play that and think about past relationships that went south and how time has moved on. I think about how I have changed since that relationship and wonder how he has grown…IF he has grown. When relationships come to an end and both parties go their separate ways they tend to take their friendships with them. Why continue to be in contact with someone who broke your heart or mistreated you? It’s worse when you break up with someone who you have a child with. You may take your friendship from them, but you are still tied to and have to deal with this person for the rest of your life. Relationships end for different reasons and in different ways. Ending a relationship with someone you are still in love with has to be the most difficult decision for anyone to make. Coming to the conclusion that the relationship is not growing, being nurtured on both sides, or slowly crumbling and there is nothing left but a memory of once was; this means it’s time to move on.
It’s hard trying to maintain a friendship with the person you once gave your all too and didn’t have it reciprocated. Maybe that person doesn’t deserve my friendship or for me to remain a part of their life. It’s not about being mean or cold hearted and it’s not that you are bitter or have hard feelings towards them. Sometimes the decision has to be made for preservation of the heart. I cannot maintain a friendship with him and watch him move on and date other people knowing I still desire to be with him. I’m not going to wish him well with the new girlfriend when I feel that heifer is in my spot. Cutting all ties gives me a fresh start and a chance to really get over him. It also prevents me from backsliding. Knowing I have a weak spot for him will make me vulnerable to his advances and put me in situations I need to stay out of. Continuing a sexual relationship after a breakup only sets me up for more pain, heartbreak, bitterness, depression, and eventually murder. We don’t want that.
On the other hand, how do we throw away the person we were so attached to? The person we spent endless nights, holidays, birthdays, intimacies, joys, pains, pleasures, and tears with is cast out of my life forever now because we couldn’t make it as a couple. After all that we have shared and been to each other are we just too simply walk away and pretend we never met? That we never loved? That we were never intimate? That at one point he encompassed every part of my mind all day every day and now nothing? My best friend is now a distant memory. The person who always had my back, knew how to make me smile when I was at my lowest, who gave me butterflies when he walked in the room doesn’t even reply to my text when I wish him “Happy Birthday.” Now we are back to where we started before we met - mere strangers. Maybe it’s for the best, so long as we don’t forget the lessons. We should have learned to love, to trust, to be vulnerable, patient, and how to communicate. In the end maybe what we only actually learned was how to keep our guard up, not to trust anyone with our hearts, and to be selfish.
I think we generally go into relationships with the best intentions. Sometimes we have no idea we have gotten ourselves into a relationship until we look up one day and realize the same person has been there for the past 3 months. However it starts, at some point it ends. It’s kind of like a job. When you are ready to move on to other opportunities and the job has been good to you, put in your two week notice. Thank them for the opportunity to share a part of your life with them. Let them know all though it has been a great experience it is time to move on. Do so in a manner that should things change in the future you may still have an opportunity to come back for a future position. You never know how life works; maybe time apart is all you need. Don’t abruptly quit by not showing up for work one day and not putting in a phone call. There is no sense in burning bridges to the point where you cannot use them as a reference. That’s just tacky and immature.
It all comes down the parties involved on whether or not a friendship can be maintained after the relationship has ended. If your heart can’t handle it, then walk away. If you both have made the amicable decision to move on, but wish to remain a part of each other’s lives, them more power to you. There are no rights or wrongs in the final decision only what works for you two. You may have made a friend for life that will love you until the end of time, in a platonic way. They’ll come around and beat up the next boyfriend who mistreats you, feed your dog while you are out of town, and hold you when that dog dies because they forgot to feed them. You never know how things will pan out. I don’t believe in throwing people away that have come into my life, unless they are toxic for me. I DO believe in taking a break from them to get my mind right and to let them get theirs right too. Love is as love does and it shows up in many different ways and forms. Accept it and hold on to it.
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