What’s the matter with Virginia? First, failed gubernatorial candidate Ken “the Cooch” Cuccinelli sought to outlaw oral sex in the entire state for all (to make it a felony to have knowledge of someone by either the anus or of or by the mouth), and now, after that epic failure of a campaign, Republican Senator Thomas Garrett has introduced SB14. The new senate bill seeks to try and reinstate the Virginia Sodomy law struck down as unconstitutional by limiting it teenagers only. (Reported in the Huffington Post)
Yes, the GOP, who complain mightily about abortions, paying for birth control, providing state Medicaid, and nutritional aid for the children of parents who cannot afford groceries are now frothing at the mouth to outlaw the only form of safe sex hormonal teenagers can actually engage in. That makes zero sense.
The GOP is obsessed with sex as evidenced by the unbelievable number of bills introduced in 2011 alone; nearly 1,100 pieces of legislation seeking to restrict access to federally legal abortion – up from 950 in 2010, and 77 in 2009 according to Politicususa.com.
Since when did “small government” mean government telling individuals how and when they can engage in consensual sex? If the GOP spent as much time focusing their rabid energy on laws that would limit sex trafficking, child abuse, crimes against women and animals, hate crimes or even creating a better environment for businesses to thrive and unemployment numbers to go down, they’d be a hit.
But no. They are legislatively stalking vaginas and uteri all over the nation. It seems we need to enact some stalker laws where the GOP and their Tea Party fanatics are required at all times to remain at least 1,000 feet away from any woman’s private parts.
Virginia Republicans want to label oral sex as a crime against nature. Well, bad news for all dogs and cats who can lick themselves! (And bad news for philandering politicians, too!) They want to make it a felony unless the perpetrators happen to be legal adults practicing their vile sodomy in the privacy and comfort of their own bedroom. (Yes, no trysts with the secretary under the desk, and no public funsies for adults, either. There goes the exciting prospect of getting caught!)
Strangely, Virginia law allows for teens age 16 and up to marry (younger if there is a pregnancy to consider) with parental consent, but when it comes to choosing between oral and genital sex on the honeymoon, they better choose genital sex because making sweet mouth-love will land them in jail – if Senator Garrett gets his way; which is unlikely since he’s the sole sponsor of this bill. Enquiring minds want to know what Garrett has against fellatio? Is this one of those cases where if he’s not getting any, no one can?
Still, as an independent thinking woman, I’d like to see these dirty-minded politicians get their heads out of the gutter and start worrying about the economy and not who’s taste-testing who.
The Virginia ACLU has taken up the fight against this bill for another reason; it doesn’t distinguish between heterosexual or homosexual teens. Unless the bill seeks to make all forms of teenage sex illegal, it clearly discriminates against LGBT teenagers who are considered legal adults at age seventeen. This is probably the sneaky, underlying true intention of this bill if lack of support for same-sex marriage in the GOP platform is anything by which to judge.
For those who enjoy good oral lovin’, be sure to know where your chosen political candidates stand on this issue before casting your vote.
In the meantime, Virginia, please stop forcing yourself into citizens’ bedrooms. It’s unseemly!
Recommended read: The "Whore" Mythology
Michele Gwynn is a freelance journalist and author living in San Antonio, Texas. All articles are under copyright and may not be reposted in part or whole without consent. Articles may only be referenced by title or subject matter with a direct link to original material otherwise. For permission to repost part or all of an article, please contact Ms. Gwynn at email@example.com.
Suggested by the author