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Vibrator jealousy: Clearing the air about sex toys in the bedroom

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Xavier, in Eugene, OR, has an interesting question that is on many men's minds:

“My wife wants to bring a vibrator into the bedroom. I’m afraid it’s because I’m not good enough in bed. Do I have the wrong idea?”

It's easy to understand Xavier's concern, but he could be reading too much into his wife's request. Many women have difficulty reaching orgasm from intercourse alone and often need a little bit of clitoral stimulation in order to "get there." While a hand can often get the job done, many women find they have an easier time if they bring a vibrator or another sex toy into the mix. Now, before men jump to conclusions and assume it’s because their performance is bad, the best bet is to try asking her why she wants to include a vibrator. Perhaps she’s just curious, maybe she wants to spice things up for the two of you, or maybe her best friend raved about it. Her answer may just surprise you. Now, even if a man is initially uncomfortable, if this is important to her, I would recommend giving it a try – you never know – he might even enjoy it!

On the other hand, men feel inadequate or feel like they are not living up to their performance should talk to their partners about it; they may find just the opposite. If she is wanting to experiment with her sex life, it’s probably because she is happy with it and wants to expand on it in new and different ways. So give it a try, and if it doesn’t work out, then more discussion could be necessary. In the meantime, good luck, and have fun. And remember, a vibrator doesn’t just have to be used on a woman; men can enjoy pleasure from them as well. Have fun!

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