You and a friend haven’t spoken in a couple of months and as you are playing catch up you begin to complain about your mate. You’re feeling like you just want to unload about some flaws in your mate’s character to a friend but you don’t realize that your friend feels like what they are hearing is disturbing until they ask you “Why are you still with them?”
Most people vent to their friends about their mate and don’t think anything of it. Venting to a friend about the negative attributes of a mate affects the view your friend now has of them and sometimes how they view you as well. When you vent to a friend about your mate you create a space for them to form negative opinions that might not be warranted but that opinion was based off of what you said.
When we talk to our friends what we say is like gold and they are automatically on our side just because we’re friends. And if you’ve made your mate out to be a bad guy it’s hard to come back from that. For most people, once it’s out there it’s hard to see your mate in any positive light based upon how negative your comments were. Our friends always want the best for us and usually the result will be them ultimately feeling like you can do better.
Unless your friend knows that maybe you’re exaggerating and your mate really isn’t that bad you may have to be careful in whom you choose to vent to. A friend who knows that you aren’t the type to exaggerate can’t help but be invested in you and want the bad guy gone.
When you don’t have any intentions on changing the outcome of your relationship or aren’t looking for any advice that you are willing to use you might want to be sure that your friend knows that you are just venting and that you are sure that your mate is willing to change their behavior or you wouldn’t be staying.
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Don’t forget! You and your friends should enjoy the Labor Day weekend starting Friday, August 30th at 10:00am in Downtown Detroit for some live Jazz music by musicians from all over the world. It’s free! Click here for more information about the 2013 Detroit Jazz Festival.