A few weeks ago a woman published an article regarding dating men who had a vasectomy. A friend of hers was in love with a man who had a vasectomy but had shown signs of willing to have it reversed in the future. As time went on she determined he had changed his mind and no longer had a desire to have children. The writer posed the following question:
"Should she stay in a relationship (that could naturally lead to marriage) with a man whose major flaw was having a vasectomy? Or should she find someone who would be willing and is able to have children?"
A woman who wants children should not marry a guy who states he doesn't want them whether he has had a vasectomy or not. Only you as an individual can determine what your “deal breakers” are. If a man states he never wants to have children and you know you do want them then it’s almost pointless to pursue a “serious” relationship.
A man who has had a vasectomy is not merely spouting words he has taken action to control whether or not he produces a child. This is probably the only reason this particular woman is considering the scenario to be a “deal breaker”. However she should accept a man’s words about not wanting children to be just as valid as a vasectomy. This also holds true if you wanted to get married someday and the person you were with told you they never want to get married.
Gambling with life
It’s not uncommon for people to ignore or disregard a potential mate’s statement about their future goals with regard to marriage and family. Our ego often leads us to believe (we) can change this person’s mind given time.
Another tactic often used by some women after an emotional investment has been made in a relationship or after marriage is intentionally becoming pregnant by “accident”. They are betting that once their man holds his child in his arms it will melt his heart. Both men and women have been known to push one another into a situation without their consent. Nonetheless it’s always in the best interest of the child to be wanted by both of their parents.
Selfish or Selfless
There is an ongoing debate between those who want or have children versus those who do not want them. It’s important to remind everyone that life is a personal journey and your choices are your choices. If someone wants children and has them while another person does not want children and doesn’t have them, then both people “got their way”. Neither is more selfish in that regard. Living your life on your terms is the goal we all strive for.
Environmentally speaking one could argue that those of us who choose not have children are being selfless in an effort to better the planet. In fact if we are to believe the news reports detailing the "carbon footprint" of mankind and how it is destroying the oceans, ozone, and land of this planet.... one could argue that people who chose not to have children are the most eco-friendly people in the world!
In 2011, Americans generated about 250 million tons of trash and recycled and composted almost 87 million tons of this material, equivalent to a 34.7 percent recycling rate. According to Planet Green Group one person adds more than 4 pounds of garbage to a landfill every day. That means, on average, one person contributes 56 tons of trash per year! In many ways less people lead to more resources.
Another thought worth considering is; not everyone who has a child is producing a healthy or future self-reliant contributing member of society. A certain percentage of children will be born unable to ever take care of themselves, some children of today will become tomorrow's criminals. Naturally people who want children never consider these as possibilities and yet somehow our jails get filled. Another group of people choose to have children without having the means to raise them or they mate with someone who is far from being an ideal parent. Clearly they were not thinking about what is in the (child's) best interest.
Your life, your choice
Each of us is entitled to have our own “deal breakers”. A vasectomy may sound like a shallow excuse for not continuing a relationship especially compared to verbal/physical abuse, cheating, or drug/alcohol addiction. However the key to having a successful relationship or marriage is finding someone who naturally wants what you do with regard to the important things in life.