Valentine Love 2011: Save marriage, nip infidelity, Tip 3

In my incurably romantic state I am forever on a mission to see the cup as half full instead of half empty and so I become concerned with all the inaccurate news about infidelity. There is no infidelity epidemic in this country.  As such, for this Valentine’s Day plant love.  Here are 3 tips from three authors to help you look for love signs so you won't find yourself stooping to snoop.

As a Relationship columnist for the Providence Journal and a former Director at Yale’s Department of Psychiatry (Education and Policy),  I have interviewed  international leaders with the National Science Foundation,  read the research, and thanked my statistics professor at Yale a thousand times over for teaching me to decipher good surveys from bad.

Lifetime infidelity in only about 20 percent with fewer than 5 percent of men are cheating annually.

So rather than worry about your mate being unfaithful to you, start planting love.  Have a look at Tips 1 and 2 which are full of ideas for captivating your man – even if you suspect he is cheating.

Over the past few weeks, I have interviewed three women who are filled with ideas for making relationships work.  Here are tips from each of them that will nip infidelity in the bud and chase away the marriage blues.

Be your mate’s cheerleader, Laurie Puhn, “Fight Less, Love More”

“Foremost in a marriage, you need to be your mate’s head cheerleader. It’s common that over time we stop appreciating our mate, and that’s when the mate’s eyes start to wander,” she says.

“If you are not your mate’s head cheerleader you are leaving the job open for someone else.  Once your mate feels neglected, he or she searches for someone else to value him or her. That is when cheating can easily move in.

“The neglected mate tends to feel as if he or she is not in a ‘real’ marriage anymore and that’s all someone needs to find an excuse to cheat,” she adds.

Laurie Puhn is the author of Fight Less, Love More and a Harvard educated family lawyer and conflict resolution expert. (www.lauriepuhn.com)

Make a romance manual, Alisa Bowman, “Project Happily Ever After”

“Keep dating.  Keep hugging.  Keep touching. Keep saying ‘I love you’ in words and actions,” says Bowman. Think back to the early days of your relationship.  What did her do then that he no longer does now?

“Think about your friends’ husbands, particularly those who are romantic.  How do they romance their wives? Think about romantic men in movies and books. What do they do?

“Write it all down in a Romance Instruction Manual,” she says.

Then what — let the loving begin!

(See link at the end for the full interview with Alisa  www.alisabowman.com)

If you are dating someone online, make certain he is available – Julie Spira, Cyber-Dating Expert

“Go ahead and Google your date to find out more about him, but don’t let him know you have done so on a first date. A man needs to make a woman feel safe while dating to make sure she knows that he actually is who he says he is.

“Often a man will say he’s divorced, when in reality his status is ’separated, divorce pending,’ or he hasn’t even filed yet.

“To avoid being a transition person, you need to find out in the beginning where he stands and how available he really is to be in a relationship with you.  The smartest way to defeat infidelity is to refuse to date a another woman’s husband,” says Julie Spira. Julie Spira | Cyber Dating Expert

There are 7 red flags that can lead to infidelity and a link at the end to Marriage Saving Solutions:

1. Crying Out for Help
2. Sudden Change — or Interest — in Appearance.
3. Unconstructive Criticism
4. Guilt Gifts
5. Snubbed at the Company Party
6. Sneaking
7. History Repeats Itself (but not always — marriages can be saved after infidelity as we have learned from other WebMD features.) Nip Infidelity in the Bud– see Marriage Saving Solutions.

Be certain to look at Tips 1 and 2 for lots of Valentine love ideas.

• Valentine Love 2011: defeat infidelity, choose gratitude news
• Valentine Love 2011: defeat infidelity, plan for romance, Tip 2

A category list of articles on love, marriage, and INFIDELITY FAST FACTS — appearing on the Examiner and in the Providence Journal — are at  Rita Watson – Love Columnist

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Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved