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Utah football 2014: Time to break out some crazy new mountain themed jerseys

Utah Utes mascot Swoop.
Utah Utes mascot Swoop. Photo by Gene Sweeney Jr./Getty Images

With a new season comes sweeping changes--to the Utah Utes Football team's jerseys as of Wednesday, Aug. 6. Gone are plain red jerseys, in favor of red home and white away shirts with sleeves on which sweeping mountain vistas are painted in black and trimmed in white--looming over a black and red valley floor.

Let's hold off on comparisons to the rivers of blood appearing to flow like the mighty Jordan down the mountainsides of the Utes' new jersey sleeves, past South Campus Drive as it slithers towards Rice-Eccles Stadium--then pools nicely along State Street. Behold, Ute fans, thine "Battle of Zion" uniforms hath arrived.

Let's also state that Under Armour, the Utes' uniform supplier, might have had a sense of humor here. After all, UA did create uniforms for the Maryland Terrapins football team in years past. If you've ever, ever-ever-ever had a chance to look at those Maryland unis, let's just say the sleeves alone were beyond ridiculous, causing undue stress on your eyeballs.

Gizmodo once ranked Maryland's "Pride" football uniform--red and white home and black and yellow checkerboard helmets with matching jersey sleeves--as the absolute worst ever created in the history of college football. (BYU's Tradition, Spirit, and Honor back of jersey fiasco was ranked No. 4.)

While the Utes new jerseys are not as grotesque compared to the God-awful hideous Maryland jerseys--but definitely rank up there with BYU's backs of jerseys moment to forget--you can draw some comparisons. Would Nike ever create such a jersey? Maybe. Wyoming's and Oregon's awful duds immediately come to mind. Adidas? Notre Dame's was strange.

But, Under Armour, a company notorious for taking far-off ideas in a dimly-lit backroom somewhere and hiring the most insane artists known to man to make their visions a reality, well, they're in a class by themselves.

The new Utah Utes jerseys only prove that Under Armour is still crazy. The good thing is that Under Armour usually only gets one opportunity to embarrass the school it's outfitting once every two years.